Weirdo Toys

Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

Battle Babies by Brad Rader

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

I don’t even know where to begin with what I’m going to show you today.

You know what? I take that back. Described in a single word – “fun.”

Wait. I have more words…

As soon as I saw these toys, all I felt was joy, giddy-ness, surprise, anticipation. I literally laughed. You know if toys make you excited with laughter, they have to be worth something.

Let’s check ‘em out.

The beastly toys we have here are…

Double-Edged Dumplings & Cybear Vishnu

Unhumongous & Bullshot

Beano Bomber and Coptorilla

The Clobbler & Shankoppotamus

Afro Toddler & Count Tiger Gun

These guys are called Battle Babies! (Yep. You heard correctly – Battle-Freakin’-Babies.)

They are a bunch of well-armed animals piloted/ridden by BABIES! I have no clue how I’ve never seen these things before now, but I know I love ‘em.

They are probably just some weird, obscure vintage toyline that was produced as a knockoff of the Barnyard Commandos. (How have I missed these before now?)

First up, is Cybear Vishnu.
This guy means business.

Look at ‘im. He’s a freaky 8-legged monstrosity. At his core, he’s a bear, but it looks like he’s been merged with some weird humanoid with big blue arms coming out of his butt cheeks along with some robotic prosthetics on his shoulders. There’s a head in bowl in his belly. Is he the conjoined twin brother? This is freaky.

He’s wearing metallic underwear, big ol’ glasses, a set of samurai twin babies – The Double-Edged Dumplings… and he breathes fire.

Scary indeed.

Next we have Bullshot.
He’s just a bull with a big honkin’ gun on his back.

He seems to be fitted with a fluffy collar and tailfins. (maybe this guy can get airborne.)

And he’s piloted by The Unhumongous – the most evil-looking baby I’ve ever seen.

The scary metal face mask most definitely is hiding a freakishly-scarred visage he’s had all his life… all 9 months of it. Ha.

Next up? Coptorilla. Wow. A Gorilla helicopter!

This ape is equipped with goggles, shoulder pads, missiles and a functioning propeller. He’s ready for action… and it looks like he may want to play catch later too. (Check out his right hand.)

Beano Bomber, his baby pilot, looks pretty friendly. The makings of a good guy baby.

Here we have Shankoppotamus – a killer hippo (well, more killer than usual I guess).

So hippos are inherently mean and dangerous to begin with, but this guy regurgitates a sword. Sheez! And for long range attacks, he’s equipped with a big laser cannon. I never imagined hippos being so high-tech.

See that yellow blob on his head? I think that’s brain slug which is probably how the baby here keeps him under his control. and speaking of the baby…

Damn! Look at that fist. He’d clobber the crap out of you. Guess that’s why he’s called The Clobbler. (Looks like Fisto’s love child.)

Last but not least is Count Tiger Gun. This guy means business. Not only is he wielding a blade, but he has a gun barrel jutting out of his mouth… and he’s a vampire apparently.

Wow. Imagine being chased by a tiger. Scary, right? Well what if that tiger was undead and shooting/slicing at you as he chased you? Ha!

He’s wearing this black leather cape w/ silver studs. Kinda gothic

His baby, Afro Toddler, is interesting. He looks like an Asian baby with a big-ass afro. I’m sure he’s hiding grenades in there or something. He’s also toting around a big machine gun.

Man these babies really are ready for battle.

Unfortunately, I have a confession: These toys aren’t an actual toyline. They are customs made by a fellow weirdo toy lover.

This new legendary toyline all started with my newfound toy buddy, Brad Rader (who coincidentally is the husband of fellow geek blogger, Stacey “GeekyVixen” Rader).

Anyway, one day, Brad sent me a link to a collection of photos (below) spotlighting his “Battle Babies”

They are custom toys which are essentially kit bashes using random baby toys, animals toys and whole mess of various action figure accessories.

The thing that gets me is how perfectly suited each accessory is to the baby and to the beast.

So freakin’ great and well done.

You can buy Battle Babies at the GeekyVixen Etsy shop! If you end up with any in your collection, please share your impressions, pics, etc!

And remember… BABY POWER!!!

Tags: 80s, Animals, Barnyard Commandos, Battle Babies, Custom Toys
Posted in Animals, Bizarre, Custom, Cute, Goofy, Human? | 15 Comments »

You’re such a brat… and your dog’s ugly.

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Awww… isn’t that cute? It’s a little girl with her fuzzy puppy.

“Hey! Little girl – can I pet your dog?”

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GAAHHHHH!!!

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Kill it! Kill it!!

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What the hell is that thing?

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Um.. hmm. Is that a hairless dog?

No.

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Um… is that an elephant with a human head?

Uh… kind of… I dunno.

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Hey… Wait.

No.

What’re you doing?

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NOOOOO!!!!!

This can’t be happening!

HAHAHA!!

Sorry folks. A little gross I know?

Seriously though. What the hell is up with these toys?

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I don’t have many strange “dolls” in my collection, but for obvious reasons I HAD to have these two. I mean, c’mon! A creepy, little red-headed stepchild along with some kind of crossbreed, humanoid elephant. What’s not to like?

My question is, how can these have been produced with children in mind? Seems like the makings of a nightmare if you ask me.

These toys aren’t related at all, as far as toy series, toy company or anything goes… but in some strange way, they seem to be made for each other.
When I picked these up last year, I had no clue what they were, but luckily with a bit of online research, I can now tell you what’s up with these guys.

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Let’s start with the freaky-ass, humanoid elephant creature.

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He has a gray, elephant’s body, a human face, with real hair and an elephant’s trunk. Strange.

Troll Animals

Well, as some might have guessed, this toy is actually a troll doll by Dam. They actually released a now-rare collection of troll animals in the 1960s.

If trolls weren’t creepy enough, they have now been unnaturally paired with various animals to give us instant oddities. Some of them are actually kind of cute, but luckily for us, mine’s freaky. (I think it may be a bootleg or something, because mine is so small compared to the original, larger-sized troll animals. It also has a marking “Made in Japan” on its belly.)

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And next we have the scary, little girl who looks like the Joker.

Happy Herman

She actually reminds me of the old Happy Herman doll I posted about a few years back – kind of an Alfred E. Neuman ripoff. She’s a creepy, rubber doll with red, rooted hair, freckles, and a mysterious open mouth with sloppy lipstick applied.

Since I first got her, I always had the sense that she’s made to squeak or blow a balloon or something. Turns out, I was right.

Brat Doll

Apparently, these dolls had a small balloon tongue which would inflate when you squeezed the doll’s torso.

She’s actually from an old series of dolls released in the 1960s simply called “Brat Doll.” (I’ve actually gathered a few pics from old Etsy sales.)

Brat Doll

The tag around her neck reads:

Brat Doll – Squeeze me and I stick out my tongue.

Pat. #104994

I’m just a little brat

Enco, Inc. N.Y.C., Sole Importers, Parkersmith Corp N.Y.C.

Brat Doll

Looks like there were variations of the Brat Doll – sometimes sold as a girl or a boy depending on the haircut and clothing. Good to see hobo children toys were all the rage in the 60s. Could this be original form of “Bratz?”

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Now wasn’t that educational? As always, you’ve now discovered a toy you’ve never seen and will never want to see again

I guess it’s time to ride off into the sunset.

“Hi-yo Weirdo! Away!!”

Tags: Baby doll, Bratz, Trolls
Posted in Animals, Bizarre, Dolls, Human? | 14 Comments »

Wookiee Sucks Ball

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

A month or so back, I was poking around a toy show, and as usual, I didn’t find much that interested me. (That kind of thing happens when your tastes become more and more obscure I guess… dang it)

In sad situations like that, I eventually get to the point where I’m thinking, “I paid to get into the show… I’m leaving with SOMETHING.” This actually forces me to backtrack and look over every square inch of these dealer’s tables. And that is when you’ll find some little thing you’ve previously overlooked (and be you’ll be forced into more awkward toy conversations).

And what I initially overlooked is this little gem.

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What the hell is it?

I dunno.

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He’s 5.5″ tall with no markings whatsoever. The dealer I bought it from didn’t know a thing about it. He assumed it was from an old G.I.Joe toyline, but I’m fairly certain it’s not. I was actually hoping it was some strange Star Wars bootleg, because it looks like a wookiee choking on a jawbreaker or eating a ping-pong ball or something.

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The distressed, yellow paint job, agonized facial expression and ball in the creature’s mouth – sure, he looks weird, but in my heart I knew this figure had a simple, sane origin. It’s probably from some vintage safari-themed toyline.

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Well, with a little bit of digging (AKA asking some buddies on a toy discussion board), I discovered that this is actually a yeti figure from a vintage Evel Knievel playset by Ideal Toy Company – “Escape from Skull Canyon.”

Evel Knievel playset photos courtesy of ToyNerd.com.

Apparently one of Evel’s death-defying stunts was driving through a canyon occupied by an angry Yeti who drops boulders on him.

This guy reminds me a lot of the green monkey I featured here a couple years ago.

They’re both equally weathered, and the yeti looks just as angry. (Do these emotions stem from years of the toy’s having been neglected?)

So, now that we now know what this toy is, I’m still left with some unanswered questions. Why is my yeti figure yellow? And…

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Why the hell does he have a ball in his mouth?

Tags: Bigfoot, Star Wars, Wookiee, Yeti
Posted in Animals, Monsters, Used & Abused | 24 Comments »

Mysterious, Post-Apocalyptic Toy Trio

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Okay. First things first. I have no clue what the hell these toys are or where they came from. Just so you know. I really need your help identifying these guys.

These figures were a gift to me from someone who shall remain nameless. (Just wait. You’ll understand why once you’ve seen the toys.) He picked ‘em up on eBay years ago as a generous contribution to the Weirdo Toys collection, but this time he’s really outdone himself.

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Okay. Look at these weirdos. They look like they could be characters from a Mad Max cartoon or some other bizarre post-apocalypse themed series. And I think their kimono robes give them a bit of an Asian vibe. So maybe they’re from a post-apocalyptic kung-fu cartoon series.

Let’s check these guys out one-by-one.

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First up, we have this strange, long-nosed fellow. Looks like he could be a goblin or something with his greenish skin and pointed ears. That’s really secondary to the fact that he is wearing a stitched-leather bondage mask complete with zippered mouth. Yikes.

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He’s sporting a t-shirt, pants and sneakers and kimono. He’s also carrying something on his back. Looks kind of like a pot or bowl or something.

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Take another look. You’ll see that bowl on his back is actually a toilet bowl. Oh yeah, and there’s a fresh turd inside. Ha!

It doesn’t stop there. To complete the “things that come out of your butt” theme, it seems this guys is actually using anal beads to strap the toilet bowl to his back. I know what you’re thinking. Only my demented mind could come to that conclusion. But think about it. Conceptually and thematically, it makes sense. It almost makes the figure even better (maybe “better” isn’t the right word for it). He’s a weird little fetishist.

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So, this second guy is kind of freaky. It looks like he’s wearing some kind of protective oxygen mask. But what good is a protective mask if your giant, mutant tongue is hanging out? Look at that freakin’ thing.

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This guys’s got a huge, swiveling tongue that’s nearly as tall as he is. Like I mentioned before, he’s wearing that strange mask, and it looks like it’s held on with riveted rubber netting. He’s also got the kimono and sneaker action happening. If you look closely, you’ll notice his pants are unbuttoned.

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He’s carrying a waste basket of debris on his back. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Looks like there are some banana peels, soda cans and a juice box or something. Luckily this guys only using rope to carry the trash around.

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Alright. This third guy is the strangest of the bunch. he’s an emaciated, humanoid-dog thing with a hint of android.

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Looks like he could be hybrid of man and dog pieced together with wires, scraps of metal, spark plugs, metal plates, etc. He’s one strange pet.

Why am I so sure it’s a “he?” Glad you asked.

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He’s got male genitalia. (First Weepy the WeeWee, now this.)

It wasn’t until I saw the figure from this angle that I realized that it may not be a robot tail on this dog after all. It could just be a metal rod shoved up his ass. That’s definitely a first (and hopefully a last) for my toy collection.

This dog figure has a waist swivel joint that always seemed useless to me. His permanent pose really made this bit of articulation pointless. Well, mere minutes ago, I discovered there actually is a reason for it. I was inspecting the toy as I wrote this blog entry, and I noticed his torso was a bit loose. The two body pieces were separating. Out of curiosity, I pulled him apart.

This is what I discovered.

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A dangling, severed spine and juicy torso meat. Wow! This toy just got even weirder. These toys just keep on giving.

So, there you have it. three freaky toys that have been hanging around my studio waiting to have a home on the blog. Maybe you can help me identify them.

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As I stated earlier, I have no idea what these toys are, but the only clue I can share with you is this emblem. It can be found on all three figures. I’m not sure how it should be read. Maybe “V3 Toy?” The logo looks like an owl with a lazy eye. Any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Tags: Creepy, Dog-Man, Perverse Toys, Post-Apocalypse
Posted in Animals, Bizarre, Creepy, Human?, Ugly | 20 Comments »

Tyrannosaurus Rexy

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

I was reluctantly in a McDonald’s restaurant the other morning ordering an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. (Don’t ask me why. It involves traveling to “in-the-middle-of-nowhere”, Georgia and being stuck with one or two options for food.) While waiting for my order, I casually strolled around the place when I noticed the familiar, plastic bubble filled with crappy Happy Meal toys based on some Hollywood blockbuster movie. The movie toys this time around were based on characters from “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithonsian.”

That’s when I saw this guy.

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A dinosaur skeleton? I had to have him, but I sure as hell didn’t want to order a Happy Meal. I asked the cashier if there were any dinosaur skeleton toys left and if I could just buy it outright. She rummaged through a large pin of shrink-wrapped plastic, and it turns out, there were only two characters left – the T-Rex and some Octopus thing. What luck! Better yet, she said the toy would only cost me $1.07. Wow! Not bad.

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If you’re familiar at all with the Museum movies, you’ll know that in the movie, after the museum closes, all of its exhibits come to life. Well, one of the exhibits is giant skeleton T-Rex that runs around like a super-hyper puppy fetching a bone for the museum’s security guard. So, this is a walking wind-up toy of Rexy, and I must say he looks pretty cool for a McDonald’s toy.

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I’m actually surprised that I’m featuring a McDonald’s toy on the blog, but there are a few good reasons I’m writing about him.

1. He’s cool. (He’s a walking, windup dinosaur skeleton for crying outloud.)

2. He’s cheap. (Only $1.07 w/ tax.)

3. He’s at McDonald’s right now. (but I’m not sure how long.)

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Oh yeah, one last thing – the Rexy toy comes with a trading card. It contains bio info and trivia about the character. It’s nothing special to look at.

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But the really, really, really, really lame thing is, in order for Rexy’s walking action to activate, you have to slip the card into his back to press a small trigger. What the hell kind of crap is that? Why not just let the toy walk on its own? If there needs to be a trigger, why not just let it be an on/off switch. If there needs to be some gimmick that wakes the dinosaur and allows it to move, why couldn’t it just be some cool extra piece like a bone or a little man to ride it or something? A playing card? Gimme a break.

Well, what do you expect for a dollar?

Posted in Animals, Monsters, TV and Movies, Wind-Ups | 15 Comments »

Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

Battle Babies by Brad Rader

You’re such a brat… and your dog’s ugly.

Wookiee Sucks Ball

Mysterious, Post-Apocalyptic Toy Trio

Tyrannosaurus Rexy

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