Archive for the ‘Creepy’ Category

How to be a Bubbly Chubby Chaser

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

I’d like to dedicate this “children’s toy themed” blog entry to my newborn son, Andrew. I’m new to this thing called fatherhood, but I’m loving every minute of it… well, that is until he’ll starts playing with my toys ;)

Over a decade ago while I was in college, my brother, Jason, and I stumbled upon these odd figures at Wal-Mart. They were part of the humble beginnings of my weird toy fascination.

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 Bubbly Chubbies

I’m sure you recognize them.

You probably thought they were these guys, the Teletubbies.

 Teletubbies

They do look a lot like Teletubbies (which I’m sure is absolutely intentional), but these are actually Bubbly Chubbies! (Pretty original name, huh?)

Sure. At first glance, these things are just odd-looking, androgynous aliens. That’s a bit off-putting in itself, but, as always, it gets stranger.

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 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies
 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies
Bubbly Chubbies

Unbeknownst to us, all these years Jason and I have been in possession of some very rare artifacts. These toys aren’t around anymore, and I don’t mean they’re just old and forgotten – I mean they no longer exist.

Apparently, Ragdoll Productions Ltd., the creators of Teletubbies, weren’t too happy about Wal-Mart ripping off their ridiculously popular, money-making property and they were ordered by a federal court to recall and destroy all the Bubbly Chubbies toys. You might call it the “Bubbly Chubby holocaust.” I know it’s a bit morbid, but these toys are kinda like Holocaust survivors. (Damn. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to equate Survivors’ lives and struggles to some crummy knock off toys. I just needed to dramatize the scarcity of a weirdo toy). Get the full scoop in this New York Times article.

So, what we’ve got here is the same toy with four color variations – Blue, Violet, Pink and Yellow.

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 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies

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 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies

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 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies

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 Bubbly Chubbies Bubbly Chubbies

It may be an accident in the toys’ design, but I love how the transparent eyeballs actually reveal the each Chubby’s color scheme. Kind of neat.

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 Bubbly Chubbies

And they’re all wearing wireless headphones. What’s up with that?

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 Bubbly Chubbies

I wonder what they’re listening to. Probably the Bananas in Pajamas theme song or something.

Oh yeah. Did you notice the trap doors on their backs? It’s where their batteries are stored. Why batteries, you ask?

To power their death stare of course.

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 Bubbly Chubbies

“YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND OH CHUBBY MASTER.”

A simple push of their literal belly button, and you unleash the hypnotic death stare of the unassuming Bubbly Chubbies.

Yeah, these are a pretty blatant ripoff, but I’m glad the toy designers had the foresight to integrate the typical LED red laser into these knockoffs… and I’m especially glad they put them in their eye sockets.

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 Bubbly Chubbies

I just don’t know whether they’re supposed to hypnotize me or turn me to stone. Either way, I know not to look them in the eye.


Creepy Freaks by WizKids

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but my dad has a healthy interest in my toy hobby, and yet again, he’s uncovered a gem for us all.

Sometime last year, he surprised me with an entire case of “Creepy Freaks” by WizKids (I think it was my birthday or something. I don’t recall.)

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Creepy Freaks

Apparently, he got the toys fairly cheap off eBay.

I’d never heard of them, but the name alone intrigued me. I had no idea what to expect once I opened the box.

Creepy Freaks

So this is what I found – Twenty four blind-boxed booster packs for “the Gross Out 3D Trading Game.” (I think I kind of recognize this packaging, but I’m not quite sure. Maybe I passed by them in a Toys R Us or something.)

I opened up my first box (after painfully cutting through a thick plastic clamshell) and found two miniature figurines inside. Not bad, but actually these weren’t toys as much as they were game pieces for a kids game.

Crap.

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Creepy Freaks

They appeared to work like HeroClix or something at first glance. I don’t have any rules for the game (and honestly don’t care to look it up. Ha!), but it looks like each character has various powers and strengths which are used when you twist the character around on his/her square base.

Along with the Creepy Freaks game pieces come circular portrait stickers and character illustration stickers with a comic strip on the back.

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Creepy Freaks Cards

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Creepy Freaks

This is really starting to feel like a poorly executed modern Garbage Pail Kids.

Now, lets’ get to what’s important here: the weird character game pieces. After opening all 24 boxes, I had 48 Creepy Freaks in my possession. It seems like each character has an alternate name and paint job. Meet Sour Milk and Curdles.

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Sour Milk and Curdles

Again, it kind of reminds me of Garbage Pail Kids with the the alternative naming and all. I like it.

Secondly. I didn’t want a bunch of game pieces lying around. I seriously hoped I could break the figures off their game bases.

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Creepy Freaks

As luck would have it, it is possible. I started breaking the game bases off every figure with brute force until my thumbs couldn’t take it anymore. A couple pairs of pliers did the trick just fine… and it didn’t involve nearly as much pain.

Okay… enough with all the BS. Let’s got to the most important part – the characters!

What I’m showing you here are some of my favorites from the collection I have. I’m not showing them all because I don’t like them all… and I honestly didn’t feel like shooting a hundred photos. Ha!

Sour Milk
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Sour Milk Sour Milk

This guy is awesome. Probably my favorite of the bunch. I love the simple, maniacal milk carton w/ the little kid trapped inside trying to escape. Such a great spoof of the old missing children ads on milk cartons. Are those missing kids ads around anymore? Are milk cartons?

Drippy the Pusman
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Drippy the Pussman Drippy the Pussman

This guy’s pretty nasty. He’s obviously a spoof of Frosty the Snowman… only he’s oozing with puss. Nasty, nasty stuff.

Skelehomie
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Skelehomie Skelehomie

Skelehomie surprised me a little bit. Having anything with the word “homie” seems risky in this era of über-sensitivity and politically correct toys. And to top it off, the guy’s sipping on a brewski. I like it.

Anklebiter
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Anklebiter Anklebiter

Ankebiter’s cute. He’s just a little demon or vampire baby. “Hell-on-wheels” so to speak.

Monster Under the Bed
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Monster under the Bed Monster under the Bed

This guys is an icon. Every kid knows the monster under the bed. Well, now we’re finally getting a good look at him. Too bad there’s no little kid in the bed peeing himself.

Bo Oger
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Bo Oger Bo Oger

This guys kind a fun and funky. Just a cyclops ogre with a major runny nose. I don’t even mind the “Bo Oger/booger” pun. Good fun.

Vampappy
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Vampappy Vampappy

Ha! This is an awesome, awesome character design. The old’ grandpa vampire with vampire dentures. He’s rolling along in his wheel chair. It actually looks like he could be Anklebiter years from now… but vampires don’t age, right? I guess this guy was bitten at the old folks home.

Jar Head
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Jar Head Jar Head

Jar head’s kinda cool. A bit unexpected. He’s reminiscent of the cliche, disembodied brain of a super-genius in a jar. Why don’t we ever see disembodied dumbass brains in jars… unless you count “Abby Normal.”

Socket
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Socket Socket

This guy is awesome enough as a skeleton super hero, but the fact that he’s using a slingshot to launch his own skull at someone… that’s pretty cool.

T.E.D.D.Y.
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T.E.D.D.Y. T.E.D.D.Y.

He is the ultimate franken-bear. Looks like a teddy bear brought to life by scrounging together some parts of long-deceased stuffed animals. Such a great, creepy twist on such a staple of childhood cuteness and innocence.

Sox
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Sox Sox

Man. I’ve never seen an undead zombie cat. He looks great. and I can’t get over the awesome gag of his rising from a litter box grave So puurfect (couldn’t resist).

John
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John John

Hey, the name says it all. He’s a john. Question is, “Sit or squat… or run for your life?” I’ll let you answer that one.

Overall, I love the character designs. They are actually a lot of fun and pretty clever. I’m happy to add these cool, weird figurines to my collection.

Saddest part is the Creepy Freaks are gone. These suckers came out in 2003. I probably saw them at some point, but paid no attention to them at the time. I guess kids did the same. I think the naming, packaging, etc. may have had something to do with that.

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Creepy Freaks

The logo for one is pretty lame – a nondescript sans-serif type face with a devilish smiley face. It’s pretty tame and generic for a game that’s based around cool, gross creatures. Take that logo, and put it over a dark box with texture all over. and what do ya get? An indiscernible mess.

Creepy Freaks

No way you could read that package on the shelves. plus, there’ so much texture and shadows and glows and stuff, you can’t ever tell what you’re looking at.

I think the figurines are great, but the awkward, comic-book style illustrations and unfunny comic strips seems to just throw too much in the mix. Maybe it wasn’t “too much,” but when it’s not all presented well, it just comes across as an incohesive mess.

Am i being too critical? Ha!

One last thing. I wonder if the cartoony, gross character trend is reserved for a generation of 80s kids. Do kids nowadays like this stuff? If so, I have hope :D

Mysterious, Post-Apocalyptic Toy Trio

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Okay. First things first. I have no clue what the hell these toys are or where they came from. Just so you know. I really need your help identifying these guys.

These figures were a gift to me from someone who shall remain nameless. (Just wait. You’ll understand why once you’ve seen the toys.) He picked ‘em up on eBay years ago as a generous contribution to the Weirdo Toys collection, but this time he’s really outdone himself.

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Post-Apocalyptic Figures

Okay. Look at these weirdos. They look like they could be characters from a Mad Max cartoon or some other bizarre post-apocalypse themed series. And I think their kimono robes give them a bit of an Asian vibe. So maybe they’re from a post-apocalyptic kung-fu cartoon series.

Let’s check these guys out one-by-one.

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Pointed-Nose Guy

First up, we have this strange, long-nosed fellow. Looks like he could be a goblin or something with his greenish skin and pointed ears. That’s really secondary to the fact that he is wearing a stitched-leather bondage mask complete with zippered mouth. Yikes.

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Pointed-Nose Guy Pointed-Nose Guy

He’s sporting a t-shirt, pants and sneakers and kimono. He’s also carrying something on his back. Looks kind of like a pot or bowl or something.

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Pointed-Nose Guy

Take another look. You’ll see that bowl on his back is actually a toilet bowl. Oh yeah, and there’s a fresh turd inside. Ha!

It doesn’t stop there. To complete the “things that come out of your butt” theme, it seems this guys is actually using anal beads to strap the toilet bowl to his back.  I know what you’re thinking. Only my demented mind could come to that conclusion. But think about it. Conceptually and thematically, it makes sense. It almost makes the figure even better (maybe “better” isn’t the right word for it). He’s a weird little fetishist.

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Long Tongue Guy

So, this second guy is kind of freaky. It looks like he’s wearing some kind of protective oxygen mask. But what good is a protective mask if your giant, mutant tongue is hanging out? Look at that freakin’ thing.

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Long Tongue Guy Long Tongue Guy

This guys’s got a huge, swiveling tongue that’s nearly as tall as he is. Like I mentioned before, he’s wearing that strange mask, and it looks like it’s held on with riveted rubber netting. He’s also got the kimono and sneaker action happening.  If you look closely, you’ll notice his pants are unbuttoned.

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Long Tongue Guy

He’s carrying a waste basket of debris on his back. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Looks like there are some banana peels, soda cans and a juice box or something. Luckily this guys only using rope to carry the trash around.

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Metallic Dog-Man

Alright. This third guy is the strangest of the bunch. he’s an emaciated, humanoid-dog thing with a hint of android.

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Metallic Dog-Man

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Metallic Dog-Man

Looks like he could be hybrid of man and dog pieced together with wires, scraps of metal, spark plugs, metal plates, etc. He’s one strange pet.

Why am I so sure it’s a “he?” Glad you asked.

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Metallic Dog-Man

He’s got male genitalia. (First Weepy the WeeWee, now this.)

It wasn’t until I saw the figure from this angle that I realized that it may not be a robot tail on this dog after all. It could just be a metal rod shoved up his ass. That’s definitely a first (and hopefully a last) for my toy collection.

This dog figure has a waist swivel joint that always seemed useless to me. His permanent pose really made this bit of articulation pointless. Well, mere minutes ago, I discovered there actually is a reason for it. I was inspecting the toy as I wrote this blog entry, and I noticed his torso was a bit loose. The two body pieces were separating. Out of curiosity, I pulled him apart.

This is what I discovered.

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Metallic Dog-Man

A dangling, severed spine and juicy torso meat. Wow! This toy just got even weirder. These toys just keep on giving.

So, there you have it. three freaky toys that have been hanging around my studio waiting to have a home on the blog. Maybe you can help me identify them.

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Metallic Dog-Man

As I stated earlier, I have no idea what these toys are, but the only clue I can share with you is this emblem. It can be found on all three figures. I’m not sure how it should be read. Maybe “V3 Toy?” The logo looks like an owl with a lazy eye. Any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Primitive Zombie Species Discovered

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

On the Weirdo Toys blog, it’s always been my mission to uncover rare and strange oddities, but this time I’m onto something really special.

I’ve just uncovered this undiscovered etching of a long-forgotten ancestor in our evolutionary heritage.

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Skeleton lineup

It looks like this new “creature” is a mutated step between gorillas and humans.

So, who gives a crap about rare creature etchings, right? We’re here for the toys! Well, as soon as I saw this drawing, I actually recognized the creature in the center there.

Check this out.

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

I actually have a toy of that exact skeleton. I dug it up last year in a toy excavation. Pretty coincidental.

But I have a feeling that the specimen I found is a rare, undead, zombie skeleton.

Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

He looks a bit zombie-ish to me.

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

He’s got some tell-tale signs – like his glowing read eyes and his mouth full of bloody teeth.

If you take a closer look at his body, you’ll see some other strange anomalies like his big ol’ hands and tiny feet.

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

Check out his torso. What’s with that funky sternum and neck ventilation? And I’m guessing the pelvic vent and crotch cross-bones didn’t help in his survival.

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

And this is weird too. There are arbitrary bones growing on his shoulders and hips. What the hell?

I wish I knew what to call this guy. Maybe I should call him “Mortisapien.” (Lame. I know.)

….

Okay. Okay. enough of the B.S. here’s the real scoop on this toy.

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

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Bloody-Mouthed Skeleton

I was actually lucky enough to receive this skeleton toy as a gift from The Godbeast when I bought a couple of Underworld Warriors figures from him last year. Thing is, I have no clue what the hell he is or where he comes from (and neither did The Godbeast). He’s an unmarked gray skeleton. I don’t think he’s a crappy bootleg, because he’s fairly well made. I base this primarily on his paint application. Look how well done the red strips between the ribs and vertebrae are. Even each individual tooth is painted. That would take some seriously skilled sweatshop laborers to paint like that.

So, if you happen to know anything about this toy, please share with the rest of us.

Until then, I’m claiming he’s a rare, blood-sucking, brain-eating zombie species.

Optikk by Mattel

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

Remember the New Adventures of He-Man? I discussed it briefly a couple years ago.

He-Man Title

You see, I never really knew about the New Adventures of He-Man cartoon as a kid. I never watched the show or knew the characters or anything like that. I was already out of my Masters of the Universe toy phase, but that didn’t mean I still didn’t like looking around the toy store. My first (and last) exposure to “New Adventures” was on the shelves in a toy store. I still have a vague memory of strolling through the toy aisles of said store and seeing, hanging from the pegs in bold, gold type,”He-Man.” But once I saw what the He-Man figures were, I was a bit surprised, confused and disappointed. The characters were all new, they were a smaller scale, and they were not as freakishly muscular as I’d come to expect. It made no sense. It was traumatic I tell you.

Seriously. This new bastardized He-Man sucked. It seems that there was so much of a distaste for scrawny He-Man, that Mattel eventually released a couple more versions of him which you may notice grew more and more muscular.

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Dorky He-Men
He-Man figure photos courtesy of He-Man.org.

Ha! He still looks pretty crappy but at least he’s transforming to the steroid-ridden He-Man. That’s the way we like him.

Well, I’m well beyond the whole purpose of this post. I’ll just say the new He-Man sucked. but it’s been a long time since those days, and looking at the line now with my weirdo-collector eyes, I can actually see the value in some of the “He-Man” toy designs – mainly the villains and especially this villain, Optikk (clever name huh?).

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Optikk

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Optikk

You are looking at one of the freakiest He-Man villains ever created. His head is a giant, pulsing eyeball for cryin’ out loud, and it’s staring through your soul!

Optikk’s been getting a lot of attention lately, because he’s being re-made and released by Mattel in the Masters of the Universe Classics (MOTUC) line.

Optikk
Optikk figure photo courtesy of YouBentMyWookie.com.

This is a testament to the fan-following this guy has garnered over the years. He looks pretty cool, but I figured I’d show you the original.

We’re going back to 1990.

Let’s start with the packaging.

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Optikk Optikk

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Optikk

Optikk

Ah. Good, old fashioned paintings of characters. I’ll always, always enjoy that. Thanks Mattel, for supporting some illustrators. (but I have noticed you’re re-using the same vintage art for the MOTUC lines. Just hire a guy to do new stuff, so it can be consistent.)

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Optikk

Well, to start things off, I’ll just say, “Ugh.” Look at that freaky eyeball just staring at you. Creepy, huh?

According to his bio Optikk’s a “Bad-tempered goon squad cyborg from the foggy polar region of evil planet Denebria. Has a spyball eyeball that lets him see through almost anything.”

Ok. So he has the huge eyeball to see through the fog. I get it. His “people” have evolved to this point I guess. Giant eyeball heads.

Secondly, as you may have noticed on the package, Optikk has “Masters Action,” and his action happens to be a “quick-draw” move.

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Optikk

It’s cool and all that he draws a gun on you, but it’s really, really lame that his arm is in a permanent, “I’m gonna bust a cap in yo ass” position. To “activate” his quick-draw action, you simply hold his arm down and let go when it’s time for him to shoot. You’re screwed if you ever lose the gun. You’ll be stuck with a guy who just kind of holds his arm out there.

But he has another action that makes up for the lame, rigor mortis arm.

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Optikk

Just spin the dial on his back…

Optikk

and his eyeball moves!!

In case you can’t figure it out, Mattel has provided some step-by-step instructions.

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Optikk

Optikk’s fairly poseable too. He has various ball joints and hinges and such. Pretty fancy compared to the old MOTU figures.

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Optikk

When all is said and done though, the guy is pretty neat. He looks like a steam-punk astronaut or robot or something… with an eyeball for a head. It really seems like a poor armor design to keep your most vulnerable body part completely open to attacks. Maybe Mattel should’ve made a dorky helmet for his eye or a battle-armor contact lens.

Well, Optikk, thanks for justifying the existence of the He-Man toyline. Best of luck with your MOTUC release.