The Crutch.
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Monday, March 2nd, 2009Laundry Day with Batman and Robin
Saturday, December 13th, 2008So, I’ve finally gotten around to the blog again. Sorry about the delay. I know a lot of you have been eager to see what I picked up at the York Toy Show.
Well, here’s part 1 of my toy haul.
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I was just strolling the aisles when these horrible, barbie-doll-sized bootleg superheroes looked up at me through a glass case. I could hear them in my head simply saying “save us.” I had to rescue them.
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I asked the guy who sold them to me where they came from, and he just said he got them from some storage warehouse in New York. Apparently it was being cleaned out (and it was filled with a bunch of crap like this). He also said these toys were from Hong Kong. They look like they’ve been packed away for a while. Maybe it just looks that way because of the stained, water damaged packages, crinkled capes, etc. There were several of these toys at this guy’s booth. I had to dig through ‘em a bit to find the ones with the least paint damage. Most of them had all the paint chipped off and stuck to the bag.
Batman
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This appears to be Batman. All I have to say is, it must be laundry day at Wayne Manor. His bright-red long johns crack me up. They’re not nearly as scary or stealthy as he’d like them to be. His cape and cowl actually seem to be color accurate, but it looks like they were just pulled them out of the laundry hamper. The cape is just so deformed and super-crinkled. Ha! I love it.
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Also, look at his feet and black underwear. They’ve just been sprayed on the front with no paint on the back. Cheap.
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Looks like he didn’t have any clean gloves either. Batman has actually resorted to painting his hands silver. It’s definitely not a glove. You can see every fingernail, knuckle and crevice of his hands.
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The bat logo sticker on his chest is a lot more of a “realistic” depiction of a bat than his traditional stylized logo AND his name is written on it. BATMAN. Is this there to clarify to the bad guys who he is? I guess when you show up in your red pajamas, you might need some way to remind them.
Also, isn’t the purpose of most bootleg’s screwed-up name and appearance to avoid legal issues? If so, why clearly call the guy “Batman?” Call him “Bat-Hero,” “Super-Bat,” “Acro-bat” or even “Man-Bat.” (Oops. that one’s already taken.)
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Look at the drawing on the Bat-package. It looks a bit like a “legit” Batman image, but he’s all mangled and awkward. His legs are deformed and broken, and it looks like his fingers may be too. I also like the arbitrary cross-hatching on his cape. This bootleg comic artist must’ve found some piece of art and filled in the missing pieces himself. The thing just looks funky.
Space Flyman
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Next we have Space Flyman, who looks a lot like Robin. Now this is proper bootleg etiquette – messed-up name, messed-up colors, but still similar enough to the original to know who the character is supposed to be.
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Why else would the Space Flyman have a bat logo? It’s just a clue to this guy’s origins.
He is Robin I guess, but his outfit is a bit wrong. Outside of the color inconsistency, he should be wearing a little vest, some undies, and little shoes. Instead, he’s wearing long sleeves, long pants and combat boots. Oh wait. Maybe it’s because he has no clean laundry either. Dang. I hadn’t thought of that.
Unlike the Batman figure, he has real clothes and boots. Kind of surprising for such a crummy toy.
There were a couple of color variations of this Robin toy. I don’t quite recall what colors there were, but I chose the orange shirt version. He looked best next to the red Batman.
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You can also see the cheapy paint application on his head. Just that small fuzzy streak of black.
(Robin has a very difficult time standing by the way. I actually had to use a bit of tape to keep him up.)
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This Space Flyman toy looks funny and all, but it’s actually the card on his package that gave me the biggest laugh. I find the illustration on the front of the card charming. It looks more like a member of G-Force beating up chubby members of Cobra.
But when you flip the card over, that’s where the hilarity ensues. It reads:
Space Flyman: Here is a powerful and wonderful man. Also a good fighter beats off any opponent with his strong muscles.
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So he “beats off” bad guys with his muscles? Sounds challenging (and kinky). I’m not sure what kind of message that sends to kids. I’m sure it lost something in the Engrish translation 
Hey. You know what I just remembered? I got some Batman and Robin toys last year too… at the Allentown Toy Show. Maybe this is the start of a new tradition.
INFO UPDATE
Batman comic panel courtesy of Planet Zor. Thanks!As Bubba Shelby pointed out, this Batman bootleg bears a striking resemblance to the Batman of planet Zur-En-Arrh. I have no idea what’s going on in this panel. It’s just a glimpse into the old and odd DC Comics Universe. Read more at Planet Zor.
Gross Out Gang – Roll Call!!
Sunday, November 23rd, 2008Great news!! (for me anyway)
I’ve managed to get my hands on some carded Gross Out Gang (GOG) figures!
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You remember the GOG don’t you? (I’ve only written about them a hundred times.) I wrote about them when I discovered their toyline, their vintage toy ad and when I actually found the whole gang. Hell, I even started this blog with one of the figures.
So, I guess the gang holds a little piece of my heart.
Anyway, there are 3 main reasons why it is good to get these packaged figures:
1. Closure. I’ve finally learned the names of the three previously unidentified GOG members. If you recall from one of my previous entries, I was missing the names of the “Lips Kid,” “Nose Kid” and “Pie Kid.” Well I’d like to officially introduce you to Blow Hard, Nose Ark and Fat-so.
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Pretty bad eh? Punny and non-PC. Awesome. No way they’d make a toy of a fat kid nowadays and call him “Fat-so”. I sure do miss the 80s.
2. Surprises. I finally have access to the cards from the figures’ packaging. I didn’t know what to expect. As a service to you, the reader, and anyone else in the history of the world who has lost nights of sleep contemplating what was on the back of the Gross Out Gang card, I will share with you.
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First we get a goofy Gross Out Gang Membership Card, and it’s been signed by Egg Brain himself. The President of the GOG!
Second, we’re introduced to the bully character, Airhead. Too bad they didn’t make a figure of him to be the villain in the toyline.
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Third, we get a horrible, but still charming origin story. Looks like the GOG were a bunch of social rejects that were constantly picked on by “Airheads” (or jocks). Luckily, Egg Brain had a device that accentuated the very traits that made them rejects in the first place, giving them “Exagapowers,” so now they are gross freaks and proud of it.
I’m warning you – don’t read it.
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Fourth, we get a GOG lineup with short bios for each character briefly explaining their gross “powers.”.
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3. Obsession. I get my hands on “virgin” Gross Out Gang toys. Untouched by anyone for over 20 years. Freshly unsealed GOG figures smell nice, fresh and plasticy. Since I can’t really demonstrate their fresh scent, I’ll just give you a rundown of this poorly planned toy package artwork.
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As you can see, the only way to get an unhindered view of the Gross Out Gang background and story is to open the package. Which is great, because I wanted to do that anyway.
What the hell. The front of this package may be one of the most poorly-planned toy package designs ever. First, the logo/name of the toyline is blocked by the figures, but to top it off, there’s a huge freakin’ paragraph telling the story of the GOG… on the front of the card. How challenging are they trying to make this for the costumer? As you’re perusing the toy aisle, they hope you read the 124-word paragraph that is actually overlapped by the figure and the card bubble? It seems like the package was designed by some guy at Skilcraft before he knew the size of the toys. Oh well.
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Read Their Amazing Story!
They’re gross… they’re nauseating… they’re totally disgusting! They’re the Gross Out Gang and they’ve banded together to fight for justice in the name of the underdog. They couldn’t care less if anyone makes fun of them. They laugh in the face of indignity… they sneer at insults… they stand up to abuse. Nobody’s perfect, but the Gross Out Gang carries it to extremes. Why not join in their fun… collect the entire series and laugh along with them. To be a member of this elite gang of super heroes, you’ve got to look yourself squarely in the eye without a mirror, and say “Im a decent, respectable human being in spite of my imperfections.” Maybe there’s a little Gross Out Gang in all of us.
That’s pretty touching actually. The toys are goofy and gross, but I like the message to kids that you can be proud of your differences. I’m thinking a modern toyline wouldn’t even approach the subject of human frailty, insecurity, and the sometimes awkward individuality. Stand up for yourself and disregard any kind of insults you may get from other punk kids. We were all underdogs growing up. I know you all were. You’re reading a toy blog for Christ’s sake. 
Oh, and here’s some more fine print for those who care: “Skilcraft – a division of Monogram Models, Inc., Morton Grove, IL 60053. © 1987 Monogram Models, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Made in Hong Kong.”
I only got four “fresh” GOG figures, and their cards are all beat up. I don’t mind. But I’m still on the lookout for the Nose Ark figure with his nose crutch. I want that crutch 
So, now I have some GOG duplicates. Maybe I’ll sell them or use them for future toy trades or something. Anyone out there interested?
Socket Poppers by Ertl
Tuesday, October 21st, 2008I found some freakin’ great toys recently, and I have no idea what they are. They look like B-List wrestling stars. I’m not much into wrestling toys (or wrestling in general), but these guys make me wanna give them a chance.
The characters are so absurd, I’d love to see them in the WWE ring. Actually, if there are any wrestlers reading this, take some inspiration from these costumes. Every good wrestler needs a good gimmick.
So, what do you get when you cross a barbarian, a robot and the biker from the Village People?
You get this guy.
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Well, howabout Batman, Conan and a surfer-dude at the prom?
I bet he’d look something like this.
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What do you get when you cross a dragon and a witch doctor (who’s worried about his elbows)?
Voila!
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What about a Flavor Flav wannabe who’s fallen victim to bad burns and a spill in toxic waste?
Okay that was a bit of a stretch.
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I don’t even know what to say about this guy.
Robo-alien vampire?
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Now this guy is one of my favorites. He’s wearing the classic, iconic wrestling tights… but with those wings and the mummy-wrapped head, he just looks like a freak! Perfect.
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The figures are about the size of the small G.I. Joe or Star Wars figures. 3 3⁄4″ or so.
If they’re not wrestlers, I can easily see them in the background of a new Star Wars movie along with other random, crappy George Lucas aliens.
Alright.
I have to come clean.
I haven’t been totally honest with you all.
These figures don’t exist. (Well, they exist, but not necessarily in this form.)
You see, these mixed-up figures are actually from a toyline called Socket Poppers (if you hadn’t already figured it out by the title of this blog entry).
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They’re a cool collection of characters released in 1991 by Ertl (you know, the company that’s best know for making those little die cast cars). So, just as the name implies, these figures have interchangeable parts. You can “pop” their heads, arms and legs from their “sockets” and pop them into place somewhere else.
I love the tagline on the box – “All body parts move… even to other BODIES!”
Man, the possibilities are endless. In fact, check out the trivia on the packaging. It reads:
Fun Facts:
Fact A: If you built three characters a minute with no duplications and worked continuously for two years, you couldn’t complete all the possible combinations offered by just two Socket Popper characters!
Fact B: Assuming their were no duplications in their work, one trillion people each working continuously for one trillion years could complete less than one one-billionth of the possible combinations offered by all 16 Socket Poppers characters!
I’ve only been able to get my hands on 11 of the figures (there are 16 in all). Check ‘em out. They still look pretty good as standalone toys.
Dinosaur
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Rock Star
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Vampire
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Swamp Monster
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Indian (looks more like a Barbarian to me)
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Skateboarder
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Pterodactyl
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Robot
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Mummy
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Cyclops
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Wrestler
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I would love to see a resurgence of this toyline… especially if there were multiple series of characters. There would be so much room for potential combos.
As I was searching for info on Socket Poppers, I was actually surprised by a little something I found. Apparently, Socket Poppers are a re-release of toys originally released by Matchbox (a company also known for making little diecast cars) in 1990. The toy line was known as Connectors. Pretty generic huh?
Connectors photo courtesy of TonsOfToys.com.
My immediate reaction to seeing these toys in their packages is “Matchbox missed the point.” The great interactive feature of the toys is completely lost. There are definitely a few things that Ertl did right when marketing the Socket Poppers.
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1. Name
“Socket Poppers” just sounds fun. It is engaging, and it kind of leaves you curious. “Connectors” may be a bit too vague. It’s definitely not fun. They could be anything from a tool set, to building blocks, to extension cords.
2. Visuals
The overall “look & feel” of the Socket Poppers graphics are bold, clear and eye-catching. The simplistic design and contrast in color helps everything stand out compared to the cluttered, overly-detailed and irrelevant graphics of Connectors. Also, the small repeating graphics of combos on the Socket Poppers package makes much more sense than the group of Connectors figures jumping from a castle.
3. Language
The socket poppers package is covered in fun, goofy language constantly reiterating the multiple combos and all. Even with the absurd stats that are probably untrue, it’s just fun and further illustrates the variety of the toys. Connectors uses none of that. Maybe there’s cool stuff on the back of the box though. Probably not.
4. Package Design
This is probably the smartest immediate difference in the packaging and the way the toys are displayed. The Socket Poppers are offered in multiples – not single carded figures. This allowed Ertl to clearly illustrate the intent of the toys. By simply displaying characters mixed with one another, they immediately communicated to kids what they’re supposed to do with the toys. You don’t have to read a thing. Connectors, on the other hand, have a single figure sitting there in generic box. Not nearly as fun, and it definitely isn’t clear that the characters can be mixed up.
I’m not sure why I’m over-analyzing the packaging like this. It must be the designer in me. I was just impressed by the thought that Ertl put into packaging the Socket Poppers versus what Matchbox ended up doing for Connectors.
And lastly, I’d love for anyone out there that may have the Monster Fly, Football Player, Sheriff, Mutant or Soldier figures to contact me. I’d love to take them off your hands to finish my collection. Plus, I could feature them here along with some more messed up combos.
Thanks for reading.
Hokuto no Ken Revolution – Exploding Member of Zeed
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008Hello again. Sorry I haven’t had a new toy up in a while. I was away on vacation, and now I’ve finally gotten around to bringing you more weirdo toy goodness.
Speaking of weird, here’s a little something i recently ordered from Japan. It actually arrived a couple of weeks back, but I’m just now getting around to posting it. Sure, this guy doesn’t look too much out of the ordinary, but wait until you discover his little “secret.”
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So, what we have here is the second in a new series of Hokuto no Ken – Revolution figures. In America, Hokuto no Ken is better known as Fist of the NorthStar. This character is a apparently a member of the gang called Zeed (some bad guys from the series).
I am vaguely familiar with the Fist of the NorthStar series, but I’ve never been a fan of it. In fact, the only first-hand knowledge I ever had of the series was gathered in the old days of my playing Game Boy as a kid.
I had the mediocre Fist of the NorthStar fighting game. It was a pretty dull experience, but I really loved drawing the characters from the game booklet.
Well, if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve been even more disappointed in the game. From what I’ve recently gathered, Fist of the NorthStar is a Manga and Anime series that takes place in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by a bunch of bullies trying to take advantage of the weak and innocent. That’s where the main hero, Kenshiro, comes in. He’s your iconic, mysterious wanderer who comes into town, seeks out the trouble, and like most kung-fu movie heroes, he kicks ass.
Well, maybe it’s not “ass kicking” as much as it is “face punching.”
You see, Kenshiro has a gift. He can pummel the crap out of these bad guys which initially shows no effects… but a few seconds later, the bad guys’ bodies realize they have just been clobbered… which usually results in a spontaneous and gratuitous explosion of gore.
Check out this clip. It should make things a lot clearer for you.
That is where this toy’s secret comes in. Not only is he a decently poseable, post-apocalyptic gang member of Zeed…
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… but he’s also a recent victim of Kenshiro…
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… which means he has an awesome-exploding-transformation action feature. Now kids can reenact the brutal demise of this Fist of the NorthStar baddy. Good times!
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Rewatch that video clip, and pay attention at the 2:08 mark. I looks like a Zeed member explosion in action.
Isn’t this disgusting?
I love it.
Look at the details on this guy –
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- splattering blood and flailing spinal column
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- separate, broken ribs
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- flying intestines
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- punched-in head w/ brains oozing out
It doesn’t get any better than that.
Lemme share just a few more things. Like I mentioned before, this toy is a Japanese import, but I think it’s coming to the U.S. soon. If I’m not mistaken, it will be available Dec. 30, 2008 (I couldn’t wait that long. Plus, I wanted to show you guys).
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Once I received the toy, I was pretty excited. the figure is smaller and more light weight than I expected. I think it’s about 8″ tall with several swivel and ball joints. The figure has a bunch of hinges too which are made to be loose. They come apart easily, but I think it’s just a safety precaution, so we don’t end up breaking the toy while transforming it. The figure also comes with a support stand (which i didn’t wanna use) and a bloody axe accessory.
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One of the coolest things about the import is the box. It’s covered in a bunch of “gibberish” I don’t understand, but it looks cool. Plus, the box is re-closeable, which is great. Hopefully, the American release will do something similar for those that are “hard-core collectors” or whatever (I wasn’t really that worried about it).
So there you have it. The world’s first exploding action figure. It’s kind of like combining the fun of Transformers with the gore of McFarlane Toys figures. There should be a whole toyline of figures like this.
Transforming mutilation. That’s a bit sick isn’t it?
