Archive for the ‘Human?’ Category

K.O. Kewpie

Monday, August 18th, 2008

“Fwoat wike a buttafwy, sting wike a bee.”

Some very familiar words from this adorable, (yet scrappy) little boxing kewpie doll.

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Boxing Kewpie Doll

I don’t know much about the little guy. He’s just as small plastic squeeze toy I found at a toy show… buried in a plastic bin full of crappy McDonald’s Happy Meal toys.

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Boxing Kewpie Doll

I like the attitude of this guy. He’s cute, but he looks a tad hesitant, but he’s determined and ready to fight. Adding to his aged charm are his faded green boxing gloves and orange pull-ups diapers. There’s also plenty of dirt and grime on the guy. Probably from some back-alley street fights he’s been in recently.

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Boxing Kewpie Doll

One thing that is weird, is the large, yellow puff of smoke he’s resting on. Could be a fart cloud… or just some weird organic mound of jaundiced flesh. Kind of strange. Seems like a more well-thought-out prop could’ve served him better. A small stool or something would’ve been more appropriate. That way, when he’s sent to the corner he can sit on his stool and yell, “CUT ME MICKEY!!”

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Boxing Kewpie Doll

I’ve tried to decipher the markings on the bottom of him, but they’ve been virtually removed by the toy’s production process. A sloppy seam of melted plastic is covering most of the letter forms. Oh well. Looks like it might read “© Taiwan,” but that makes no sense. Anyone else out there like to take a stab at it?

Little Mac punching Glass Joe

One last thing. This boxing kewpie kid kind of reminds me of the old Nintendo game, Mike Tyson’s Punchout. He’s a lot like the main character, Little Mac – he’s small, scrappy and has green gloves (okay, it’s a bit of a stretch, but I thought I’d share my train of thought).

Anyone have any clue to where this guy came from or if there are others like him? Maybe other sports kewpies or something? Thanks for the help.

Masters of the Uni-worse

Monday, July 7th, 2008

So here we have some Masters of the Universe (MOTU) figures. It’s He-Man (The Most Powerful Man in the Universe) and Skeletor (The Evil Lord of Destruction).

Don’t they look awesome? Just like I remembered them….

He-Man

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He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Skeletor

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Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Masters of the Universe my ass! These guys are masters of nothing (well, maybe the Masters of Shittily Made Toys).

All I can say is these things are god-awful. Again, what we have here are some generic, ugly-ass Mexican bootleg figures of popular American toylines.

These MOTU figures are horrible, but I love ‘em. They look like homemade elementary school sculpture projects. You can’t pose them. They can’t hold any weapons (although there’s a hole in Skeletor’s hand, so maybe it had a purpose at some point). Do-it-yourself action figures (Well, not action figures, cuz they can’t really move. They’re just statues i guess).

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He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure

They’re the rejects of the MOTU toyline. Maybe that’s why I took them in. I feel sorry for them with their horrible molds, non-existent quality control and bad production value. These guys look like they’ve melted a bit. There’s tons of flack all over ‘em, their paint’s rubbed off, and they’re just plain gross.

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Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Skeletor actually has a separate piece of armor (which is held on by a peg protruding from his chest) and some freaky muscle structure on his back (not that the rest of him isn’t freaky). Oh, and as it turns out, he does swivel at the waist.

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He-Man & Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figures

He-Man’s a bit smaller than Skeletor, but does size really matter?

So, what are the odds that these are actually rare prototypes? They’re early concept figures of the legendary toyline. Hmmmm….

Toxic Crusaders – Headbanger

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Isn’t it a beautiful thing? A kiss on the cheek and a sweet whisper in your lover’s ear. There’s nothing quite like the love between a man and a monster?

Waitaminit! These guys may be close, but they ain’t smoochin.’

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Looks like they’re actually some kind of mutated freak. (It’s their mutation that makes them freaky, not the fact that they’re conjoined.)

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

I didn’t know what this toy was at first, but i did immediately recognize it as a Playmates Toys figure due to it’s distinct, quirky character design and sculpting style. (Playmates’ toys were distinct at the time anyway. I’m not sure how good they are nowadays.) Its brightly colored neon and splattered paint applications made me think it could’ve been from the Toxic Crusaders toyline. I also saw the word “Troma” on the foot, so i immediately knew this guy was in good company. For those that don’t know, Troma is a studio known for it’s B-movie horror/comedies… but more on that later.

A quick web search taught me a bit about this character. He’s Headbanger – a fusion of two opposing personalities in one conjoined body. We have Bender (the mad scientist) who has somehow accidentally been attached to Fender (a surfing, singing telegram boy who is apparently responsible for the accident). Seems like his name should be Fender-Bender or something like that. Too obvious I guess.
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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

As you can see, Headbanger comes with a surfboard that is chock full of gross texture and sea creatures and stuff.

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Here’s a look at both sides of the gnarly surfboard.

Now, back to Troma. They’ve made tons of movies over the years, but one of their most notable is The Toxic Avenger. It’s a great, horrible movie about a kid who gets transformed into a big, musclebound, toxic, crimefighting freak.

Well, this R-rated movie full of sex and violence somehow got transformed into a kids cartoon. I’m all for sex and violence, but i’m not quite sure kids should be watching the Toxic Avenger just yet. Does anyone else think this is funny? I was actually discussing this idea with some friends a couple of weeks ago. Who started the trend of converting R-rated movies into kids shows? I’d love to see kids’ reactions (and their moms’) after seeing Toxie kill a man with his bare hands.

Isn’t it funny that this…

… was transformed into a cartoon like this.

What are some more R-rated favorites that somehow became kids’ cartoons? The only movies I could really think of were The Toxic Avenger, Robocop and Rambo. Anyone else know any kids shows based on adult entertainment?

Damned Dirty Hippie (or Naked Hippie Stuntman)

Friday, April 18th, 2008

Here we are again. A down-on-his-luck homeless toy. They’re always getting in the way when rummaging through the toy bins at fleamarkets and toy shows.

And what do we have here? A filthy, dirty, naked… stuntman. (You remember this guy’s buddy don’t you?)

I never would’ve expected to find another one of these guys, but here he is. A guy with the same entirely flesh-toned body, decorative belt, boots and underwear.

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Naked Hippie Stuntman

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Naked Hippie Stuntman

This guy’s generic-as-hell, poorly made and just plain awkward… which has got me thinking. What if there’s actually a toyline out there made to look like trash. I can picture it now – an assembly line of people brushing this dirt on the toys. I see the mold makers throwing out all the good ones, making sure the bad molds with flack are used for the final production run. And to top it off, they’ll leave no production markings, so you can’t trace where and when this toy came into existence. (maybe this will be the future production plan for a Weirdo Toys store).

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Naked Hippie Stuntman

Where do these guys come from?

How do they get so dirty?

What the hell.

I’ve gotta wash my hands again!

INFO UPDATE:

I did some snooping around, and I may have some idea what these guys are. It’s possible they’re from a toyline called The Karate Defenders. They were made by Imperial Toy in 1986. They were outfitted with cloth outfits and various weapons such as kamas and katanas. This is the only photographic evidence i could gather.

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The Karate Defenders
Karate Defenders photo courtesy of GORT at ToyTraderz.com. Thanks!

My First Dirty Babies

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

Here are some more of the oddities I found at the Jockey Lot.

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little girl dolls with various facial expressions

They’re awfully cute and quirky, but they’re nappy as hell. I’m not sure what these little angels are, but I’m pretty sure they weren’t intended to look like homeless children.

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Crying Girl Doll Crying Girl Doll Crying Girl Doll

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Girl Doll with Attitude Girl Doll with Attitude Girl Doll with Attitude

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Pouty Girl Doll Pouty Girl Doll Pouty Girl Doll

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Bratty Girl Doll Bratty Girl Doll Bratty Girl Doll

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Happy Girl Doll Happy Girl Doll Happy Girl Doll

I haven’t been able to gather any info about them, because all I got from their markings is “Made in Korea.” The guy I bought them from claimed they are “rare dolls from the 70s” (if that’s the case, why’d they cost a buck each?).

It looks to me that these cuties are from a series of dolls that depict a collection of facial/emotional expressions (and quite possibly various ethnicities) that range from crying, to smiling, to giving the evil eye. They’re so cute sitting there in their colored dresses (or onesy or whatever they’re supposed to be).

You think these girls are anything like the Seven Dwarves? If so, it looks like I’ve gathered, Bratty, Huffy, Pouty, Whiny and Ditzy. Who’s left in the collection? Sulky? Sneaky?

These may be considered what some doll collectors call “dirty babies” (which are essentially old, beat-up, dirty, nappy baby dolls). If anyone knows anything about these dolls, please help me out. I’m trying to run a blog here ;)