So, a while back, I discovered a great website – HorribleLogos.com. (It is actually a great example of what I’ve expected the new trend in design to be – intentionally BAD design.)
The premise of the site is you pay $5, and you get a really bad logo.
Out of curiosity, I ordered a Weirdo Toys logo.
I just received it last night. Behold, the horrible logo.
Pretty gross, eh? It even has a typo! (Im)Perfect!
I won’t be adopting it officially, but I just had to share.
Whadaya think?
Okay. First things first. I have no clue what the hell these toys are or where they came from. Just so you know. I really need your help identifying these guys.
These figures were a gift to me from someone who shall remain nameless. (Just wait. You’ll understand why once you’ve seen the toys.) He picked ‘em up on eBay years ago as a generous contribution to the Weirdo Toys collection, but this time he’s really outdone himself.
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Okay. Look at these weirdos. They look like they could be characters from a Mad Max cartoon or some other bizarre post-apocalypse themed series. And I think their kimono robes give them a bit of an Asian vibe. So maybe they’re from a post-apocalyptic kung-fu cartoon series.
Let’s check these guys out one-by-one.
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First up, we have this strange, long-nosed fellow. Looks like he could be a goblin or something with his greenish skin and pointed ears. That’s really secondary to the fact that he is wearing a stitched-leather bondage mask complete with zippered mouth. Yikes.
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He’s sporting a t-shirt, pants and sneakers and kimono. He’s also carrying something on his back. Looks kind of like a pot or bowl or something.
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Take another look. You’ll see that bowl on his back is actually a toilet bowl. Oh yeah, and there’s a fresh turd inside. Ha!
It doesn’t stop there. To complete the “things that come out of your butt” theme, it seems this guys is actually using anal beads to strap the toilet bowl to his back. I know what you’re thinking. Only my demented mind could come to that conclusion. But think about it. Conceptually and thematically, it makes sense. It almost makes the figure even better (maybe “better” isn’t the right word for it). He’s a weird little fetishist.
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So, this second guy is kind of freaky. It looks like he’s wearing some kind of protective oxygen mask. But what good is a protective mask if your giant, mutant tongue is hanging out? Look at that freakin’ thing.
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This guys’s got a huge, swiveling tongue that’s nearly as tall as he is. Like I mentioned before, he’s wearing that strange mask, and it looks like it’s held on with riveted rubber netting. He’s also got the kimono and sneaker action happening. If you look closely, you’ll notice his pants are unbuttoned.
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He’s carrying a waste basket of debris on his back. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Looks like there are some banana peels, soda cans and a juice box or something. Luckily this guys only using rope to carry the trash around.
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Alright. This third guy is the strangest of the bunch. he’s an emaciated, humanoid-dog thing with a hint of android.
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Looks like he could be hybrid of man and dog pieced together with wires, scraps of metal, spark plugs, metal plates, etc. He’s one strange pet.
Why am I so sure it’s a “he?” Glad you asked.
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He’s got male genitalia. (First Weepy the WeeWee, now this.)
It wasn’t until I saw the figure from this angle that I realized that it may not be a robot tail on this dog after all. It could just be a metal rod shoved up his ass. That’s definitely a first (and hopefully a last) for my toy collection.
This dog figure has a waist swivel joint that always seemed useless to me. His permanent pose really made this bit of articulation pointless. Well, mere minutes ago, I discovered there actually is a reason for it. I was inspecting the toy as I wrote this blog entry, and I noticed his torso was a bit loose. The two body pieces were separating. Out of curiosity, I pulled him apart.
This is what I discovered.
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A dangling, severed spine and juicy torso meat. Wow! This toy just got even weirder. These toys just keep on giving.
So, there you have it. three freaky toys that have been hanging around my studio waiting to have a home on the blog. Maybe you can help me identify them.
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As I stated earlier, I have no idea what these toys are, but the only clue I can share with you is this emblem. It can be found on all three figures. I’m not sure how it should be read. Maybe “V3 Toy?” The logo looks like an owl with a lazy eye. Any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
I think this is it.
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Quite possibly the most horrible, disgusting, poorly-produced toy I own.
Seriously.
Look at him.
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He’s a hairy beast, trapped in his own cobbled-together body – screaming in agony, because he’s stuck in this constant state of crappiness.
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Seriously. The guy looks like a failed prototype of a prototype or a badly-built model kit or something.
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Another weird thing about this monstrosity is its potent chemical smell. Not only does it stink, but the smell actually rubs off onto your hands when handling this thing. Now that’s a first in my toy collection. Even Stinkor’s stench doesn’t rub off on you.
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And just look at this awesome toy construction. Now that’s quality.
His pieces don’t even fit together properly, and he looks like he was painted by a small child… with a poor motor skills… using a partially-crusted, dry brush from a bottle of white-out.
I know this is a bootleg possibly produced using child labor, but c’mon! Teach those kids to paint!
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Oh, wait! The figure came in a little plastic baggy with a header card and everything. It looks so legit now!
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And look at the huge assortment of accessories he came with… which he can’t even use.
Wanna know why? Because most of the stuff was re-purposed from smaller toylines’ accessories – Masters of Universe, Galactic Fighters, Galaxy Warriors, and maybe a hint of Thundercats.
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Well, at least he can hold the swords… but only in one of his hands. Wanna know why? Because the shoddy production processes left him with some much extra plastic flack all over his body, his hands are filled and closed off.
Kind of gross actually.
Well, there is one saving grace to this figure – that custom package header. Let’s take a closer look.
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Not bad. I mean it’s crappily printed and all, but it looks awesome. It’s actually an original piece of art – hand-drawn typography and semi-sloppy comic art style. A lot of artists and designers strive for this look. You’d normally expect to see re-purposed packaging art from the original toyline on these Mexican bootlegs. I really like the personality of this piece (I even made it into a desktop wallpaper for you.).
I wonder what the original toyline was. I’m guessing it’s Thundercats. My first clue was the title “Thunder Cast Villanos.” Ha! Plus I recognize some of the characters in the artwork. (From left to right) Looks like we have Monkian, Slithe (who looks freakin’ great!), Mumm-Ra… and ummm… some wolf guy (is that supposed to be Jackalman?) and… uh… is that Golem from Lord of the Rings? Looks like Vultureman on the bottom though.
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So, there you have it. The most disgusting Monkian bootleg you’ll ever see, and the crappiest bootleg toy I’ve ever owned (and the greatest wedding gift – thanks Jason!)
Wow.
If you’re one of those folks who’s not even sure who Monkian is, or what the original toy looks like, here’s a pic for you.
Thundercats’ Monkian photo courtesy of ToyArchive.com.
I actually had the original figure as a kid. I liked him well enough, but he was never really as cool as all the He-man figures I had him surrounded by.
He was a wannabe Beast-Man in my book.
Don’t believe me? Check out this boring, yet semi-fun video of Monkian “in da club.”
Well, it’s hard to believe, but I actually have a bunch of new info about that mysterious windup, musical demon lumberjack I was so excited about (and desperate for) weeks ago.
I’m not sure if you recall, but in that video, we saw a freaky, distorting, rubber face placed on an animatronic, musical lumberjack-type of character (I’m calling him a lumberjack because he’s wielding an axe and he’s wearing boots and overalls).
The thing was so bizarre, I could’ve sworn it was “homemade.” I kind of recognized the look of the rubbery-face and figured it was a finger puppet placed on some weird holiday toy or something.
That lead to my search and discovery of this generic set of rubber-faced finger puppets.
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Jackpot! Not only did I get some weird-looking little finger puppets, but it appears that the demon-looking character from the video is in the bunch.
Okay, now that I’ve acquired the rubber faces, all I needed is the strange lumberjack toy.
Well, thanks to the help of some of you readers and a little bit of detective work, I discovered that this toy is called “Magic Monster.” Once I’d acquired that information, it would only be a matter of time before the toy gods sent this Magic Monster my way.
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Luckily for me, when the monster reared its ugly face, it came fully-functioning and complete with its original box. (Thanks toy gods!)
It’s not a lumberjack toy at all. It is, in fact, simply a nonsensical, axe-wielding monster that sways back-and-forth to the tune of “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Who’d have thunk it?
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Not only that, but I also discovered the face on the original toy isn’t the one in the video, so I was correct in assuming the video was a “custom” job. I never expected this face to be on the toy.
Wow? That’s one ugly son of a bitch.
And just as I thought – the “head” of the toy actually has a few protruding pegs which stretch the removable, rubbery face stretch, bringing it to life.
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Here’s a full figure view for ya. I kinda feel that they cheaped it with the head sculpt. I know there were probably some technical limitations, but the round helmet dome thing just isn’t cutting it.
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And as you may have guessed, the animatronic head perfectly accommodates the “finger holes” of the various face puppets.
This is too perfect.
Do you know what this means? I can bring each face to life, giving the freaky axe maniac multiple personalities.
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We’ve got the demon-looking guy.
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The angry, mustached man, who actually looks like an axe murder (or angry lumberjack).
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The crazy old man (or is that Michael Berryman)
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And here we have the creepy child molester. (This guy’s probably scarier than the original monster.)
You think they look cool as stills? Wait ’til you see ‘em in action.
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I’ve gotta warn ya though. The music in these videos will get on your nerves. “When the Saints Go Marching In” plays loudly from a speaker in his feet. Not only that, but you have the obnoxious internal mechanism of the toy continuously grinding while the song is playing . It’s basically every parents’ nightmare.
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Also notice the axe has a light in it and glows red. Scaaary.
I noticed my monster toy’s axe is facing forward and not sideways as featured on the box and even in that other video. Hm.
So, which one is your favorite? I think I like the mustached guy best. He just looks right in those clothes… plus his mouth full of teeth really makes his head movements more pronounced and lifelike. Now all I need is some more cool rubbery finger puppets. Any thoughts on where to find them?
After seeing this toy and these puppets. it begs the question: Which came first? Were the faces/puppets made for automated toys like Magic Monster, or was the toy made to accommodate the finger puppets that were already being produced?
The finger puppets don’t have much as far as markings go. All I can see is “® 986012 Made in China.”
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Here’s all the info taken from the Magic Monster box:
(Check out that front panel. They’ve totally masked out the big dome head behind the monster’s face. Bull. The toy looks so much better with just the floating face. And did you notice the “©1985 Justen?” Weird, huh?)
Actually, there is one other question this toy makes me ask: What the hell?
So, I’ve got a little something for you today I’m willing to bet you’ve never seen or heard of (well, that can be said about a lot of my posts, but this is different).
Today, I am proud to introduce you to Creepy Bods!
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Months ago, I was lucky enough to get my hands on all four Creepy Bods figures. What makes Creepy Bods so special, you ask (oh wait, you didn’t ask that)? Well, for one, they’re unbelievably, ridiculously impossible to find and are greatly sought after, but more importantly, they are a refreshing innovation in the world of Madball knockoffs.
You see, back in the 80s when the world was introduced to Madballs, kids went nuts. These gross little balls were charming, unique and just fun to play with. Of course, as I mentioned in a previous blog entry, there were Madball wannabes – folks that tried to cash in on the success of Madballs. The ripoff Madballs (or “Sadballs” as I like to refer to them) were usually uninspired derivatives of existing Madball designs, and they were almost always poorly produced. In an attempt to stand out in the pack in a world of knockoffs, Roundhill Industries came along and created Creepy Bods. They are (to quote the package) “headless bodies to display your Madballs™, Weird Balls™, Foul Balls™ and any other Ball Heads!” (Not only were they appealing to the Madballs market, but they even included shout-outs to the ripoff balls. Nice.) You see, instead of falling in line with all the other copy cats, these guys created something pretty darn neat. Madballs now had gross, little bodies to use as display stands in your collection. You can mix and match the balls in your collection to suit the appropriate body style. Pretty cool idea, huh?
Creepy Bods Packaging
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Other than the concept of bodies for your Madballs, the Creepy Bods were pretty unoriginal. As you can clearly see, the Creepy Bods packaging emulates the Madball package.
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It’s the exact same size and similar color scheme. The over all execution is pretty poor though. They ripped off the logo and the yellow swooshy thing, they included mini drawings of the characters and even put a generic Madball on the package to emulate the hole and the ball’s placement in the Madballs package design.
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I’m sure it was all intentional and probably a necessity. They wanted to have kids immediately make the connection that these bodies are for Madballs, but c’mon! At least make it look good!
I wanted to mention a couple of other things. On the bottom of the package, there’s a statement that reads “Manufactured exclusively for the Bauhinia Ltd. Hong Kong.” What does that mean exactly?
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And, the back of the package is pretty lame. Nothing says “knock-off” like a blank, brown card back (well, if you don’t count the UPC code).
Enough about the packaging. Let’s look at the characters.
Creepy Bods’ Bodies
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First, we have Mr. Mummy.
Mr. Mummy
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He’s a gory, little mummy with a severed foot. Good thing he has a cane. Is anyone else wondering why the hell he has two left feet? As you’d might expect, Dust Brain is a natural choice for this creepy body.
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Next we have Stitch. He seems to be a blue-skinned guy w/ severed body parts all re-stitched together (ya know, like Frankenstein).
Stitch
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It’s a bit hard to figure out what’s going on with his pose, but I’m guessing he’s in the act of sowing himself together. His severed, left pinky-toe kinda freaks me out. The AARGH Madball seemed to be a good choice for this Creepy Bod. He’s blue and covered in stitches just like Stitch.
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Also notice – it looks like a knock-off of AARGH is what was featured on the Creepy Bods packaging.
And here we have Dr. Guts.
Dr. Guts
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If he’s a doctor, it looks like he’s just performed surgery on himself. Either that or he’s been drawn and quartered? And shouldn’t he have used a scalpel for his surgery? Looks like he used a hunting knife. He’s just standing there, tearing open his torso, and all of his guts are pouring out. This is some pretty gory stuff for a kids toy, but I guess the Madballs were too. That’s why I chose Slobulus for the head on this one. Not only is his skin green, but his eyeball’s hanging out and everything.
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I’m intrigued by the inclusion of the wrist watch. Is that supposed to be a clue to his status as a doctor or something? Pretty funny.
Lastly, we have Ooze.
Ooze
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Ooze looks to be a violet, lizard creature covered in slime. Oozing out of the slime are a few eyeballs and random bones. Pretty goofy.
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In the actual toy though, the slime looks more like a green robe or cloak or something. Horn Head seemed to fit this figure nicely, what with the violet color scheme and claws and everything.
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Well, there you have it. Those are the Creepy Bods. They’re not much to look at on their own, but once you’ve topped ‘em off with a Madball, they really come to life. They really are a great addition to any Madball collection. I guess I could’ve photographed the bodies with various heads, but you can probably use your imagination. (They look like bobble heads don’t they?)
The only real complaint I have about the Creepy Bods is their sub-par production quality. The sculpting is sloppy and the paint applications leave much to be desired. I know they’re cheap knock-off toys, so it’s expected. But wouldn’t it be great if AmToy took this idea and ran with it? They could release well-made bodies for those Anniversary Madballs they’ve recently released.
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I wonder if Creepy Bods led to AmToy’s idea for Head-Popping Madballs? If so, I’m sure they’d never admit it 