Weirdo Toys

Months ago, I discovered the awesome Charles Bronson lookalike figure.

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Alright, maybe he’s not a Charles Bronson figure, but what’s not to love about this guy’s dated, 70s-style suit, big-ass tie, bling-rings and pompadour hair style.

I’m tellin’ ya. It totally reminds me of the guy.

Once I started playing with the figure, I immediately discovered he had a little trick up his sleeve… er… necktie.

You squeeze his legs, and he raises his arms in surrender. But watch out!

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A hidden gun flips out from underneath his necktie.

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Now that’s a pretty funny gag. The cops tell him to “freeze” so he does… all while gunning them down. Pretty comical.

(Actually, it’s pretty harsh. Gunning people down was always a Charles Bronson thing. Maybe this is a Bronson figure.)

Since I bought the figure loose, I didn’t know it at the time. This figure is Mr. Sleaze. He’s from the Police Academy toy series that was released in 1989 by Kenner.

As a youngster, I was a fan of the movies, but I recall seeing commercials and things for the show and remember thinking it looked really, really awful.

The live-action Rated-R movie was bad enough, but now they made a kid-friendly version (reminds me of the Toxic Crusaders toy from a while back)?

Police Academy went from this…

… to this.

Pretty goofy.

Well, just recently, I found Mr. Sleaze on card (for those who don’t know, that means he was still sealed in his package) and didn’t know it was possible, but the accessory he comes packaged with makes him an even better figure.

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He comes with a poodle.!

A freakin’ poodle? Ha!

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Yep. This evil, sleazy bad guy may have a soft spot for cute, lil’ fluffy poodles… or not.

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You see, Mr. Sleaze isn’t the only one with something to hide. FooFoo Dog here is one ugly son of a bitch (literally).

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FooFoo acts like a delicate, pretty dog, but when you least expect it, he rears his ugly head to bite you, eat your sandwich or pee on your leg.

This dog definitely looks disturbed. He kinda reminds me of a sad, old man.

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Other than the googly-eyed, goofy face, I think my favorite part of FooFoo is his hairstyle. Look at that thing. He’s got the same pompadour haircut of his master.

That’s such a great detail. I’m thinking this haircut is funnier than anything in the cartoon ever was (Just an FYI – I’m judging the hell out of the cartoon without ever seeing it.).

Also, after buying the figure on card, I actually discovered Mr. Sleaze isn’t as sleazy as I’d hoped.

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The gun under his necktie is actually just a “gasser gun,” so I’m sure it was used in the cartoon to knock out the good guys or make them laugh w/ laughing gas or some crap like that.

Wuss.

The cartoony drawings on the package are fun and goofy, but they seem a bit underdeveloped and sloppy (kinda like the whole cartoon series. ZING!)

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The toys also seem a bit lame. These are all basically cutesified versions of the dysfunctional characters from the movies. They don’t seem too interesting in exaggerated cartoon form.

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I never played “cops and robbers” as a kid, so maybe that’s why I never cared about this series (plus I was 12, so I’m sure that had something to do with it). Looking back at them all, I think the villains interest me the most, but that’s probably true with every toy series.

• Buy Police Academy Figures on eBay!

This entry seems really stupid.

I should just have a Twitter plugin on the site, but that’s too much effort at the moment. Also, you guys could easily follow me on Twitter… but I know that a lot of folks (including myself) don’t really get tons of joy from using Twitter, that’s why I’ve taken your advice and created this post. (It’s not really super-toy-related. In fact it’s a bit too self-important.)

Please note, most of my “tweets” (i cannot believed i just typed that) are filled with random BS, but here are some potentially noteworthy tidbits:

• I posted some crummy pics of my desk at work. (These are just 2 detail views. More later I hope.)

• I had a craving to go to Toys ‘R’ Us. I ended up going, but didn’t buy anything. I did see this cool Batman set and this shitty Rorschach doll.

• I posted some PEEPS that I’d enjoy a lot more than the crappy ones they sell every year at Easter.

• I got invited to guest blog on Amazon.com’s toy blog, Toy Whimsy. (I’ll let you know about that later as I get around to writing something.)

• I cursed the fact that Jim Carrey, Sean Penn and Benicio del Toro are going to star in a new 3 Stooges movie.

• I got a cool, weirdo skeleton toy from the same guy who sold me the Underworld Warriors.

• I went to a toy show in Charlotte and tried sharing pics. I think people should see the baby doll of Archie Bunker’s Grandson.

Hey folks. I know a lot of you enjoyed the “weird things people searched in Google to stumble upon my site” article I did a few weeks back, so I’m back to share a few more funny searches.

So, for the remainder of March, here’s what some people decided to browse for, and Google lead them to me – the Top 10 weird search terms from March 8-31, 2009:

10. “dirty naked guys”

9. “ass love big toys”

(sounds like that’s “ass” speaking in third person about what he loves.)

8. “battlestar galactica nude”

7 “‘pulling his pants down’ pics”

6. “liefeld is an okay guy”

(I bet this was Rob “Googling” himself)

5. “how to not look like a weirdo”

(If you have to Google-search this, it’s probably too late)

4. “sex with green monkeys”

3. “shitty toys”

(Ha! I love that I’m a result for this search, I’m proud to be a place for readers to find “shitty toys”)

2. “do terminator have penis?”

(*ROFL* This one kills me. Not only is this person curious about robot privates, but the bad grammar just takes it over the edge.)

1. “justin gammon naked”

(Now this one just creeps me out… yet I still find it somewhat flattering. I sure hope they didn’t find anything in Google Images.)

Something that I noticed that completely cracked me up, is some of you (or one of you) took the effort to search stuff in Google essentially leaving secret messages in my Google Analytics results. Very funny

10. hey weirdo toys, i’m in your google analytics!
9. yo, weirdo toys, i in your google search!
8. i in your google, weirdo toys!
7. i google you long time, weirdo toys
6. justin gammon puts weirdo toys in his bum
5. weirdo toys: he wants man love!
4. justin gammon pooped in his pants
3. weirdo toys, i am your father!
2. justin gammon is the antichrist
1. justin gammon naked (it’s on this list too just in case it was one of the joke searches… but it was searched before the previous article was published. )

With all this tampering of my search results, I may not be able to report these results anymore.

Thanks for reading. Sorry there were no toy pics.

You asked for it, and I’ve somehow managed to deliver (thanks to Clambo at Clam’s Toy Box). Here’s a look at the Underworld Warriors card front. (The back is just blank cardboard, so it’s not really worth showing here.)

(Remember to click the pic to see a larger view. Enjoy.)

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If you’ll notice, I misquoted the bulleted “action features.” All the “&”s are actually “N”s. Funny.

Thanks, Clambo, for sharing such a great pic of such a great toy. Now please send the toy to me

Hey Weirdo Toys readers.

Just a quick note. I’ve added a “Weirdo Shop” page to the site.

Now I need to be totally honest with you.  This is simply a page that calls specified eBay auctions to the page. I’m not selling them personally. I’m actually doing this to potentially make a few extra dollars to maintain this site… cuz it’s getting costly

I’m seriously not trying to pressure anyone into buying a thing. I’m just letting you know, I’m experimenting. I’m going to attempt to list some stuff  you all have been interested in. If I can save you the work of having to find it, good for me.

Anyway, have a good weekend, and I hope to have some more weirdo stuff for you next week. If you have any ideas of stuff you’d like to see in the shop, be sure to leave a comment or something. Thanks.