Well, last time I thought I’d show you some cool “knock offs” of your favorite super heroes, but today, we’re taking it to full-on “bootleg.”

So what do you get when you combine the world’s three most popular comic superheroes into one figure?

You get a mess.

If you can’t afford a figure of each, might as well combine ‘em. right?

Let me introduce you to a bootleg figure I like to call Super-Spider-Man.

He’s the best of all your favorite superheroes!

The body of Spider-Man painted as the costume of Superman…

… topped off with the cape of Batman. (It’s red, but I’d recognize that jagged, zig-zag cape pattern anywhere.)

Yikes!

I think he’s actually a bootleg of a bootleg. He’s not a “real” Superman bootleg. He’s a 10″ tall bootleg movie Spider-Man figure that’s been repainted as Superman. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a bootleg of a bootleg. Ha!

So, yeah. He’s freaky enough as it is, but look at this!!

His eyes are crawling up his head. Is this Superman’s new approach to hiding his identity?

Out of curiosity, I decided to put his eyes in their proper place.

I “Photoshopped” ‘em, and I’m not quite sure he looks any better.

So, we’ve established this guy’s a horribly-produced bootleg – complete with the weird hollowed-out arms, scraggly paint job, but he does have one more small surprise.

Did you notice that weird, little button on this guy’s back? It actually activates a little, red LED in his chest.

Awesome! I think this is his bootleg heat-vision! (His eyes relocated, so maybe his heat-vision did too.)

I’m scared to look into the light.

Whew! If the crappiness of this toy doesn’t blind you, at least the LED will. Maybe if you stare at it long enough, you’ll go blind and will never have to see this monstrosity again.

You see these generic-looking super heroes? (The ones that look a lot like Playmobil?) They may look like true knock-offs or bootlegs of your favorite comic characters, but they are in fact a legit toyline from a legit Spanish toy company, Airgam.

“What the hell is Airgam” you may be asking? well, Airgam is a toy company that was established in 1976 and is best known for its miniature figures called Airgam Boys.

Airgam Boys photo courtesy of AirgamBoys.net.

The Airgam Boys had various series which included themes such as Space, Romans, Cowboys, Sports, etc. One such category called “Airgam Comics: Super Stars” was released in 1985… which leads us to these guys – The Super Fantastics and Super Diabolics.

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They’re a bunch of guys wearing capes, boots, gloves and what looks to be diapers on the outside of their pants. Not only that, but most of them are carrying guns. Even the good guys. I guess there’s a higher price to pay for crime in Spain – a bullet to the gut.

Looks like the series more or less uses all the same body parts and accessories. They just get different coloration, paint apps and stickers.

Let’s take a closer look at the figures shall we. We’ll start out with the Super Fantastics.

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First of all, what’s up with that name? Ha! Sounds a lot like a bad English translation doesn’t it? It makes them that much more charming I guess. And this type treatment is so funky. Looks like some kind of street graffiti.

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This is a rough bunch of super heroes. You’d think they were over sized, floating heads, arms and torsos hanging out with miniature, heavily-armed little people. It’s a pretty nasty-looking illustration – a weird mishmash up of all the characters piled on top of each other. The characters’ scale is all off, and the characters which appear to be in the background are overlapping characters in the foreground. It loses all sense of this thing being a “montage.”

Super Fantastics
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The Fantastics characters I have to show you today are Stars Man, Bird Man, Red Masker and Captain Laser.

Stars Man
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Stars Man, is pretty much a Captain America ripoff if you ask me. Although, since he’s just a “stars” man, I guess his allegiance is the stars themselves and not necessarily to the United States. He could represent any country that really likes stars… or Astronomy.

Bird Man
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Bird Man seems to be the Batman ripoff. He’s got the big, bat ears… only thing is, he’s bird man. Birds don’t Have big ears like that. Not sure why they did that. They should’ve given him a beak or something.

Red Masker
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Ha! Now we have Red-Masker… which is probably the funniest name in the bunch. If you can’t come up with a good ripoff name for a Spider Man character then you shouldn’t be naming toys. Ha. Why “Red-Masker?” Couldn’t they have done something like “Arachna-Kid” or “Webbed-Wonder?” How’d they come up with the “Red Masker?” I can picture it now:

“Hey Berto… we need a name for this Spider Man-looking guy.”
“Is he wearing a mask?”
“Yeah.”
“What color is it?”
“Red.”
“Why don’t we just call him ‘Red-Mask?’”
“I dunno. Seems too lifeless. It’s not action-oriented enough. No real ‘kick’ to it.”
“Well, how about ‘Red Masker?’ You know, he masks people and stuff.”
“Man. Why didn’t I think of that? The kids are gonna love it!”

(Damn. I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.)

Captain Laser
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Here’s Captain Laser. This guy was obviously inspired by Cyclops from X-Men, but his sci-fi logo style and the word “captain” in his name makes me feel like he’s more of a Buck Rogers, sci-fi, leader kind of guy. Plus, I love how happy he looks. He’s probably the wise-cracking smart ass of the group.

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Oh yeah, and look at this. He may be cracking a smile now, but if you cross him, he’ll laser-blast your ass. What did the innocent people in that sky rise do to deserve the laser-beamed wrath of Captain Laser? Maybe some Super Diabolics were hiding in there.

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Next, we have the Super Diabolics. I’m actually a bit intrigued that these toylines have separate names… unless “Airgam Comics: Super Stars” is considered the toyline’s name. I dunno. Anyway, the same weird English translation thing goes for this toy title too. Love it. The style here is more reminiscent of skateboard graphics or tattoo art or something. So pointy and flamey.

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And look at these guys. They seem a bit more unique/diverse and not so ripped-off (at first glance anyway). This montage suffers from the same weird perception of space between the characters. I like their dark and mysterious setting – surrounded by creepy castles, sharp mountain ranges and monster bats.

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The Diabolics I have to show you today are Dr. Diabolic, Python, Piranha and Spector.

Dr. Diabolic
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First we Have Dr. Diabolic… which basically means this guy is the leader. If you’re team is called the “Super Diabolics,” and you are doctor of Diabolics, then you are definitely the bad-ass leading the bunch. His mask only covers a part of his face for some reason, and it looks like he’s even lost an eye in battle. He kind of reminds me of Mr. Sinister from the X-men.

Python
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Up next we have Python. Which looks like a weird 70s Dracula. I love the little ’stache and stained vampire fangs. If he’s not a weird reptilian vampire, I’d say he’s a retro version of G.I. Joe’s Serpentor.

Piranha
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Here we have Piranha. I think he’s the misunderstood weirdo of the bunch. I’m sure he speaks or acts in some way that any passerby would think he’s “special needs.” He looks pretty cool. Looks like a cross between an alien and a fish man. Good to see he has a trident instead of the guns everyone else seems to love so much.

Spector
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Oh. And my favorite of the bunch – Spector. He’s definitely the scary, mysterious loner who answers to no one. Question: What’s more bad ass than a guy with a skull for a head? How about a guy with a skull head wearing a futuristic leather space suit. What’s cooler than a skull-headed guy wearing a futuristic leather jumpsuit? How about a skull-headed guy wearing a leather jumpsuit toting around a big blaster. This guy has to be an undead space biker. He could’ve been inspired by Ghost Rider.

That’s all the characters for now, but we’re not done yet.
Not only were these little guys cool, but they had huge freaking playsets.

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Here are a couple of playsets that were featured on the back of the packaging. Looks like a city playset with a giant spider web, and a big glowing bad guy along with the castle playset. The castle is kind of wonky and more fantasy-inspired than these comic characters. Just look at these things. Sure they’re just cardboard cutouts, but they seem like they could’ve been pretty fun.

Playsets not cool enough for you? Well, in these pics you can see a lot of these guys had alternative figure versions which came with their own personally-branded vehicles. Looks like they had various airplanes, motorcycles and hovercrafts.

Red Maskermobile
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I happened to get my hands on this Red Masker-mobile. And boy is it a thing of beauty. Looks like a weird jetski-speedboat-hovercraft or something. Not sure if he flies this thing or sails it.

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Also, notice the Red Masker that came with this vehicle is different than the regular one. This time his eyes are exposed, his costume’s original web patterning has devolved to a generic criss-cross design, and now, he has his name written across his chest (so you won’t confuse him with Spider-Man).

Panther Man and Bad Tiger
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You may’ve noticed a couple of characters from the toy packaging that didn’t get their time in the limelight. I don’t have these figures, but I figured they needed a little mention.

Here we have the Super Fantastics’  Panther Man. He’s basically a Wolverine ripoff. They tried to throw us off a bit w/ that bow, but we know Wolverine when we see him.

And then we have the Super Diabolics’ Bad Tiger. He actually looks pretty nice. Reminds me of a character you’d see in an old Nintendo Pro Wrestling game or something.

Note that they both have an animal theme and the same color scheme. Oddly coincidental.

If you happen to have these figures or know where I can find ‘em, please get in touch with me

And lastly, I wanted to share this vintage Spanish toy commercial for the Airgam Comics: Super Stars. You know they had to be legit if they had their own toy commercial. Enjoy.

Oh man. All I can say is I love these little guys. I’m so glad I discovered them. I never knew anything about them growing up (being the little American kid I was in the 80s). Thank goodness for the internet and my buddy, John, who hooked me up with a lot of these figures. Thanks John!

I think this is it.

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Quite possibly the most horrible, disgusting, poorly-produced toy I own.

Seriously.

Look at him.

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He’s a hairy beast, trapped in his own cobbled-together body – screaming in agony, because he’s stuck in this constant state of crappiness.

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Seriously. The guy looks like a failed prototype of a prototype or a badly-built model kit or something.

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Another weird thing about this monstrosity is its potent chemical smell. Not only does it stink, but the smell actually rubs off onto your hands when handling this thing. Now that’s a first in my toy collection. Even Stinkor’s stench doesn’t rub off on you.

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And just look at this awesome toy construction. Now that’s quality.

His pieces don’t even fit together properly, and he looks like he was painted by a small child… with a poor motor skills… using a partially-crusted, dry brush from a bottle of white-out.

I know this is a bootleg possibly produced using child labor, but c’mon! Teach those kids to paint!

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Oh, wait! The figure came in a little plastic baggy with a header card and everything. It looks so legit now!

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And look at the huge assortment of accessories he came with… which he can’t even use.

Wanna know why? Because most of the stuff was re-purposed from smaller toylines’ accessories – Masters of Universe, Galactic Fighters, Galaxy Warriors, and maybe a hint of Thundercats.

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Well, at least he can hold the swords… but only in one of his hands. Wanna know why? Because the shoddy production processes left him with some much extra plastic flack all over his body, his hands are filled and closed off.

Kind of gross actually.

Well, there is one saving grace to this figure – that custom package header. Let’s take a closer look.

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Not bad. I mean it’s crappily printed and all, but it looks awesome. It’s actually an original piece of art – hand-drawn typography and semi-sloppy comic art style. A lot of artists and designers strive for this look. You’d normally expect to see re-purposed packaging art from the original toyline on these Mexican bootlegs. I really like the personality of this piece (I even made it into a desktop wallpaper for you.).

I wonder what the original toyline was. I’m guessing it’s Thundercats. My first clue was the title “Thunder Cast Villanos.” Ha! Plus I recognize some of the characters in the artwork. (From left to right) Looks like we have Monkian, Slithe (who looks freakin’ great!), Mumm-Ra… and ummm… some wolf guy (is that supposed to be Jackalman?) and… uh… is that Golem from Lord of the Rings? Looks like Vultureman on the bottom though.

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So, there you have it. The most disgusting Monkian bootleg you’ll ever see, and the crappiest bootleg toy I’ve ever owned (and the greatest wedding gift – thanks Jason!)

Wow.

If you’re one of those folks who’s not even sure who Monkian is, or what the original toy looks like, here’s a pic for you.

Thundercats’ Monkian photo courtesy of ToyArchive.com.

I actually had the original figure as a kid. I liked him well enough, but he was never really as cool as all the He-man figures I had him surrounded by.

He was a wannabe Beast-Man in my book.

Don’t believe me? Check out this boring, yet semi-fun video of Monkian “in da club.”

Hey folks! Merry Christmas! (I would say “Happy Holidays,” but I don’t feel like being politically correct today.)

Don’t worry, all you non-Christmasy types. I’m only focusing on the commercial side of the holiday. That’s right –Santa Claus!

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Wow, this isn’t the jolly ol’ Santa we all know and love. This looks more like the homeless, mentally disturbed Santa we’ve always feared.

All the signs are there – wandering eye, disheveled clothes, bloody nose. Damn. Looks like he’s been stumbling through the streets of the North Pole for well over a week.

He is the perfect stocking stuffer for the weird toy lover in your family (who is probably you).

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What we have here is a vintage Santa Claus Push Puppet by Kohler Bros. I think it was released in the 1960s. (No wonder Santa looks like hell. He’s been lost on the Island of Misfit Toys for the past 40+ years.)

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I’m sure you’ve seen toys like this before. For those unfamiliar with push puppets, they are basically miniature, marionette-type of toys whose segmented body parts are held together by string which is tied taut to a solid platform encased in a cylindrical base.

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Once you “push” on the platform inside the toy’s base, it releases the tension of the string, resulting in the sporadic movement of the character. If given enough pressure, all of the body parts will fall limp.

Sheesh. That written description of a push puppet was a bit overkill. I think a quick video will more quickly express what I’m talking about.

Merry Christmas folks! Enjoy your food, drink, family, friends and whatever else it is that you do. I hope Santa leaves something weird in your stocking.

• Buy Push Puppets on eBay!

Well, it’s the holiday season. I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving a week or so ago. Did you celebrate it the way most Americans did? You know – rushing to the shops to find their super-great deals. Well, not me. I decided to spend nearly half a day on the road driving to York, Pennsylvania – home of the Greater York Toy Extravaganza, where I’m not guaranteed to find good prices or good toys at all. Worth the risk? I dunno. I’ll get back to you on that one.

I didn’t go to the York toy show alone. I actually went with my father-in-law. Yep. He’s into toys too. Luckily he’s a fan of old, die-cast cars and stuff (Dinky Toys mostly), so we don’t compete. Anyway, when traveling to York last year, we went by plane which turned out to be a nightmare. We had hellacious layovers and weather delays, so we figured this year we’d try to control our own destiny by driving.

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Not only did we drive to York, but we arrived to the toy show a day early. Some folks don’t know it, but they have an “Early Buyers” admission to the show. You can pay to get in the day before the show (or you can pay to get in a couple hours early the day of the public show). The dealers set up Saturday and sell to each other and other suckers like me that night. At last year’s show, we only knew about the Sunday opening. We were kind of rushed with our toy shopping, because we had to catch a flight. But now, we had plenty of time.

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And as you can see, maybe we had a bit too much time. Yeesh. Maybe getting there first thing really wasn’t the best use of our time or money. As it turns out, the dealers are getting there the same time as the early buyers. It’s kind of annoying actually. Why make the dealers wait until 5:30pm to set up shop?

Oh well. At least I bought a couple of things… maybe even stuff that would’ve been gone the next day had I not nabbed it first (at least that’s what I’m saying to convince myself it was worth the $20 early admission). Another good thing about getting in early is it gave me a good lay of the land. I figured out who and what I should be checking out the next day.

On Sunday morning, I got in early again, but this time more of the tables actually had toys on ‘em. Good thing, or I would been severely disappointed.

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I know I’ve always mentioned how the photos I take don’t really capture the essence of these large toy shows, so I actually took some video footage of each hall. What you’ll see here are walthrough clips of the two toy halls – The West Hall (which was filled with more antiquey and automotive stuff) and the East Hall (which seemed to be more kitschy and “modern”).

Don’t worry, the videos are really quick, but they’ll make you seasick. (Unfortunately, the East Hall video ends a bit too soon, because I ran out of space on my memory card. In fact, that’s the main reason I have so few photos to show you.) Enjoy.

West Hall

East Hall

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G.I. Joe Headquarters. Does it get any cooler than that? Nope? Then you should probably stop reading now.

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On the first night, I picked up this set of “Tales from the Cryptkeeper” toys. (Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that these are from a lame cartoon series trying to make the old EC Comics and HBO series fun and child-friendly? Sure looks like it.) I got a great deal on them… or at least I thought so. After I bought them I noticed their old price stickers. They were from Kay-Bee and sold 3 for $5.00. Ha!! If only I’d seen ‘em years ago.

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Next, I bought a handful of windups. The carded ones are some strange, celebrity caricatures. The only ones I recognize are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Jackson (The rest must be fütbol stars or something ). I also picked up the Q*bert, the little, orange ball guy, and a freaky-looking Fozzie. Really freaky.

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The last set is probably what people would expect at these shows. Vintage 80s He-man toys. Well, as you can see, some are Masters of the Universe, but others are knockoffs or monsters from Dungeons and Dragons and Inhumanoids.

The coolest piece is the Conan figure. It’s pretty rare, and I got a pretty good deal on it. Unfortunately, it’s not even for me. In fact, most of those fantasy figures were for a buddy of mine (it pays to be buddies with Weirdo Toys I tell ya). Don’t worry. I didn’t do it out of the kindness of my heart. I did it for a trade

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I’m thinking this guy didn’t sell a single one of these Beanie Babies. Not sure what he was thinking.

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Looking back on it, I’m not sure if the show is really worth it. Well, lemme take that back. If you’re within an hour or two drive, it’d be great, but I drove from South Carolina. That’s a long-ass way (I type this knowing I’ll probably go next year. It wouldn’t be as bad if I could get a small group to share in the expenses).

It cost me more in food, shelter and gas than I spent on toys. And not only that, but most of the cool toys I wanted were way overpriced (I sure sound like a cheapskate huh?). I’m serious. This isn’t like the Allentown Antique Toy Show were the toys are inherently expensive. This is a case of selling a dirty, broken-armored, incomplete He-Man figure for $25 (the one I got was nicer and cheaper by the way). Gimme a break. I even had a guy laugh in my face when trying to negotiate a price on a toy (Oh well. Just another guy I’ll never buy from if I ever see him again). It’s almost as if some of the sellers are there just to show you what cool stuff they have, having no real intention of selling anything (you know… like I do on this blog ).

In the end, it wasn’t too bad. There were plenty of nice folks with great deals – all there to share in the joy of toys. I’m happy I had the opportunity to be in York to do a little toy shopping, and I’m glad I have this opportunity to share it with you all.

Maybe I will go again next year. Who’s with me?

• Buy antique toys on eBay!

Alright, let’s see what we’ve got this time.

Oh yes – freaky, little chubby men dressed as some of DC Comics’ most iconic superheroes.

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Superman

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Batman…

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Robin…

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… and Captain Marvel (who some folks call “Shazam”).

No matter how horrible they may be, you have to admit, these characters are immediately recognizable. Is that because they have classic, well-designed costumes?

Nah.

The characters have just been around for so long, their colors and patterns are burned into our brains. You could put a chimpanzee in blue and red pajamas, and I’m sure everyone would say he’s Superchimp. (Even without the logo.)

Superchimp photo courtesy of BigStockPhoto.com.

Anyway, back to my point. These are some ugly-ass toys, but they’re great. It’s their superbly poor production values that make these things so unique and interesting.

I actually picked ‘em up at a toy show several months back. These lil’ guys have no markings at all, but the dealer I bought ‘em from says they’re cake-toppers from the 60s.

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Cake toppers, huh?

I dunno. Seems like a possibility I guess. They do have holes on the bottom for you to conveniently cram a candle up their butts.

How would you feel if you saw these things on your birthday cake? I’d be excited

Superman
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Batman
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Robin
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Captain Marvel
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I have no clue who made these things or even if they’re even official merchandise released by DC Comics.

As I stated early, they are just bizarre, “not-quite-right” 2.25″ versions of some of our favorite superheroes. So what if they are just cheap (actually, they were a tad costly), little pieces of crap. They are fun.

I’m pretty sure any kind of licensed DC Comics cake topper (or any toy for that matter) produced today would be generic and more strictly follow a model sheet or standards guide. It would probably look something like this.

Superman Cake Topper photo courtesy of CelebrateExpress.com.

Where’s the fun in that? That guy actually looks kinda like Superman. Lame

On a side note – while researching these cake toppers, I came across some more mini statues that were very, very similar to what I’ve shown you (if not the original versions these pieces were based on).

These Capt. Marvel and Robin toys were actually listed as rubber pencil toppers on Gasoline Alley Antiques website and were made in Hong Kong in 1970. I actually found the Batman figurine in Reis O’Brien’s (of Geek Orthodox fame) About.com’s “Batman collection” article. His is supposedly made in China, and it has a completely different look as well.

My mini superhero cake toppers are hard plastic (maybe even very hard sugar?). They have no markings at all, and they’re painted a lot more haphazardly.

Any ideas?

• Buy DC mini figures on eBay!

As you may or may not know, the Allentown Antique Toy Show was a couple weeks ago (November, 7 2009 to be exact). If you follow me on Twitter, you probably read all about my experiences there, but now it’s time for a quick recap of what actually went down that weekend.

Well, one thing I did differently this year, is I paid for the “early bird,” which allowed me access to the show a day early to shop with the toy dealers. It also allowed me to get in early the next morning for the public show. I’d like to say it was worth it, but I only bought three things.

These robots.

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They’re called Ding-a-Lings, but let’s save the details for another blog entry

Okay. I didn’t buy much at the show, but another good benefit of going, was my discovery of various toys that I may be able to pick up cheaper on eBay or something. In fact, I’ve already picked up a Halloween skeleton push puppet I wanted for $3 which was going for $48 at the show. Ridiculous huh?

(Oh, and I also got to catch up with a Weirdo Toys reader and fellow toy enthusiast, Ben, so that was really cool.)

I took a bunch of photos of the show. Instead of posting them all here, I’ve actually uploaded them to my Flickr Account. You can check ‘em out in this slideshow.

As I did the last time I went to Allentown, I think I’ll just break it all down into “lessons learned.”

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1. It is truly awe-inspiring to be surrounded by so much toy history.
I said it two years ago, and I’ll say it again – the toy show is awesome. There is just so much toy history everywhere. I wasn’t able to adequately take it all in. It’d be great to document every piece and hear its story… but that’s impossible. So, I’ve tried to do the quicky, day trip version. Ha! As you you’ll see in the slideshow, the toys ranged from old, handmade mammy dolls to more modern batman hairbrushes. The show was a weird mish-mash of stuff, but that’s what made it so interesting.

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2. Antique toys cost way too much.
Of course it’s pricey. Who the hell goes to an antique show looking for cheap, garage-sale-priced toys (me)? That’s not my complaint. My complaint is the apparent markup of so much stuff. A quick Google or eBay search of the same items on location resulted in my finding the pieces for twice or 10 times less than the dealers were asking. That’s the main reason I didn’t buy much. I know a lot of it is antique, so it’s bound to be pricey, but I’m talking about pieces that I know the value of – stuff from 70s/80s that have a triple or quadruple mark up.  Maybe it’s because I’m a young, poor whipper-snapper, they don’t wanna haggle with me. They know they can get “Grampa Joe” to pay the hefty prices ‘cuz he has the money.

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3. Antique toys aren’t collected by anyone under 40.
I’m 32 (going on 33). I’m not super-young, but in this place, I felt like Baby New Year. I’m not even trying to be cruel. It was really great seeing such passion and interest in the toy hobby at an older age. I hope to be just as passionate about weirdo toys when I’m in my 70s. And hopefully I’ll have a bigger budget as well.

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4. Toy vendors don’t like their toys photographed.
I took several photos at the show, and toy vendors were pissed. I first tried to be cordial, and ask permission from every vendor whose table I shot. There was so much apprehension and awkwardness. The majority of them truly were bothered and upset with the mere thought of my photographing their collections. Eventually, instead of dealing with the grief of those interactions, I decided to just snap a shot and keep on moving.

I didn’t use a flash. I’m not posting these photos on eBay to act like I’m selling them. Sheesh. Let a man invade your privacy for just a millisecond

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Well, that’s about it. See ya around Allentown. Can’t say it was a nice visit, but the toy show was kinda cool. Not sure when I’ll see you again. Maybe in five years time or something.

• Buy antique toys on eBay!

Well, it’s hard to believe, but I actually have a bunch of new info about that mysterious windup, musical demon lumberjack I was so excited about (and desperate for) weeks ago.

I’m not sure if you recall, but in that video, we saw a freaky, distorting, rubber face placed on an animatronic, musical lumberjack-type of character (I’m calling him a lumberjack because he’s wielding an axe and he’s wearing boots and overalls).

The thing was so bizarre, I could’ve sworn it was “homemade.” I kind of recognized the look of the rubbery-face and figured it was a finger puppet placed on some weird holiday toy or something.

That lead to my search and discovery of this generic set of rubber-faced finger puppets.

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Jackpot! Not only did I get some weird-looking little finger puppets, but it appears that the demon-looking character from the video is in the bunch.

Okay, now that I’ve acquired the rubber faces, all I needed is the strange lumberjack toy.

Well, thanks to the help of some of you readers and a little bit of detective work, I discovered that this toy is called “Magic Monster.” Once I’d acquired that information, it would only be a matter of time before the toy gods sent this Magic Monster my way.

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Luckily for me, when the monster reared its ugly face, it came fully-functioning and complete with its original box. (Thanks toy gods!)

It’s not a lumberjack toy at all. It is, in fact, simply a nonsensical, axe-wielding monster that sways back-and-forth to the tune of “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Who’d have thunk it?

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Not only that, but I also discovered the face on the original toy isn’t the one in the video, so I was correct in assuming the video was a “custom” job. I never expected this face to be on the toy.

Wow? That’s one ugly son of a bitch.

And just as I thought – the “head” of the toy actually has a few protruding pegs which stretch the removable, rubbery face stretch, bringing it to life.

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Here’s a full figure view for ya. I kinda feel that they cheaped it with the head sculpt. I know there were probably some technical limitations, but the round helmet dome thing just isn’t cutting it.

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And as you may have guessed, the animatronic head perfectly accommodates the “finger holes” of the various face puppets.

This is too perfect.

Do you know what this means? I can bring each face to life, giving the freaky axe maniac multiple personalities.

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We’ve got the demon-looking guy.

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The angry, mustached man, who actually looks like an axe murder (or angry lumberjack).

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The crazy old man (or is that Michael Berryman)

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And here we have the creepy child molester. (This guy’s probably scarier than the original monster.)

You think they look cool as stills? Wait ’til you see ‘em in action.

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I’ve gotta warn ya though. The music in these videos will get on your nerves. “When the Saints Go Marching In” plays loudly from a speaker in his feet. Not only that, but you have the obnoxious internal mechanism of the toy continuously grinding while the song is playing . It’s basically every parents’ nightmare.

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Also notice the axe has a light in it and glows red. Scaaary.

I noticed my monster toy’s axe is facing forward and not sideways as featured on the box and even in that other video. Hm.

So, which one is your favorite? I think I like the mustached guy best. He just looks right in those clothes… plus his mouth full of teeth really makes his head movements more pronounced and lifelike. Now all I need is some more cool rubbery finger puppets. Any thoughts on where to find them?

After seeing this toy and these puppets. it begs the question: Which came first? Were the faces/puppets made for automated toys like Magic Monster, or was the toy made to accommodate the finger puppets that were already being produced?

The finger puppets don’t have much as far as markings go. All I can see is “® 986012 Made in China.”

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Here’s all the info taken from the Magic Monster box:

• Magic Monster
• Face with a thousand changes
• An axe that lights up
• Moves from side to side
• Even plays music (the saints go marching in)
• 1/#21828C
• ©1985 Justen
• “transformable face”

(Check out that front panel. They’ve totally masked out the big dome head behind the monster’s face. Bull. The toy looks so much better with just the floating face. And did you notice the “©1985 Justen?” Weird, huh?)

Actually, there is one other question this toy makes me ask: What the hell?

• Buy rare monster toys on eBay!

• Buy rubber finger puppets on eBay!

Mick!!

You win an official Mr. Sleaze and FooFoo Dog (complete with torn-open packaging) along with the Apple Devil T-shirt! Congratulations!

(Oddly enough you were the first person to comment. I swear it was a random drawing.)

And to all of you who entered, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wish I had toys for all of you, but I’m just a lowly weirdo toy lover. I have no sponsors or anything like that.

As always, thanks for the continued support of the Weirdo Toys blogs. I love hearing from fellow toy lovers.

Here are some of the prominent thoughts from your comments:

• You want more updates with the possibility of guest bloggers. - It’s a good idea for sure. I need to start my search for suckers
• You like the idea of discussion boards (most of you anyway). – I’ll look into that. Last thing I wanna do is create a board and have no community using it.
• You like the photos (and commentary) and would like to see them as downloadable desktop wallpapers. – That’s been a request for a long time. Now that I have a better camera, this may be a possibility.

That’s it for now. Have a great week (I think Mick will).

Well, whadaya know? Another whole year of weirdo toy blogging has gone by.

There is something I’ve noticed that is drastically different this year; I’ve written a lot less – especially as of late. I’d like to apologize. I know how fun it can be to find a screwed-up weirdo toy waiting in your RSS blog reader every week. Trust me, It’s just as much fun for me to post one. I’ve just been super-busy, because I’ve been planning a wedding (it’s only a few weeks away). And on top of that, I recently lost my job (yep), so blogging and toy hunting haven’t been on the priority list

I don’t know what I expect you to do with that information. I usually try not to get too personal here on the blog. I just wanted you to know, there have been distractions lately, and I’m not neglecting you all or the blog intentionally.

You know what? What the hell. Maybe I’ll get even more personal.

Here’s a pic of me and my bride-to-be, Nadine. She’s no weirdo toy lover, but she is cool enough to let some toys sit atop the wedding cake.

Cute huh?

Alright, back to the giveaway.

Not much has changed on the blog at a glance. I’ve continued finding cool weirdos here and there, photographing them and writing about them as usual. One major evolution for Weirdo Toys this year has been its steps into the social media realm.

First is the Twitter account. I have to admit the Weirdo Toys twitter account has really grown on me. It’s been great fun and such a great opportunity to connect with fellow fans, bloggers, toy lovers, designers, musicans, etc. I’ve made some great connections and have made some good “virtual” friends all while writing in 140 characters or less. It’s also allowed me an opportunity to share other toy finds that never really make it to the blog, so if you’re not following Weirdo Toys on Twitter, you’re missing out. It’s not the end-all be-all that some make it out to be, but it is a fun little social circle if you’re not on there just spamming everyone.

Secondly, I also started a Facebook fan page for Weirdo Toys. Unfortunately, no one is really using it (including myself), so it’s just kind of a weirdo ghost town right now. I do send alerts to the fans when I update the blog, so that could be useful I guess.

Let’s see. Another thing I did a few times was the Weirdo Google Searches which people seemed to enjoy. It was kind of pathetic for me, because for a while there, I was posting those lists more than toys. I still find them pretty entertaining. I just pulled back on them for a bit, because there wasn’t enough toy activity to have me blogging every couple of weeks about weird keyword searches. I do have a visions for those searches though. Maybe some day I can put them on t-shirts or something.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. This year also marked the first item for sale on the blog – the Apple Devil T-shirt that everyone claimed to love until I produced them… then no one was to be found. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Maybe with the next shirt design, I’ll post some designs and let folks pre-order before I commit to producing them. I still love the shirt, and I’m really glad I had it made (Buy one now!)

And now, the part you’ve been waiting for – the giveaway.

As I did last year, I’m giving away the toy I posted yesterday, which is the Charles Bronson wannabe, Mr. Sleaze, and his dog, FooFoo. You get the toys, the package card and the separated bubble. Not only that, but I’m throwing in an Apple Devil T-shirt!

So, if you answer these 3 questions in the comments form, you’ll have a chance to be the proud owner of a new weirdo toy and t-shirt depicting one.

1. How’d you discover the Weirdo Toys blog?
2. What are your favorite (or least favorite) parts of the blog and why?
3. What would you like to see on the blog (like downloads, discussion boards, etc.)?

Next week, I’ll pull one of the commenter’s names at random and announce a winner. Be sure to include a valid e-mail address, because if I can’t get in touch with you, you’re S.O.L.

Thanks for your time, your readership and your continued support. (I don’t like reading my own blog entries, so I’m glad you’re here )

See you soon.

Months ago, I discovered the awesome Charles Bronson lookalike figure.

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Alright, maybe he’s not a Charles Bronson figure, but what’s not to love about this guy’s dated, 70s-style suit, big-ass tie, bling-rings and pompadour hair style.

I’m tellin’ ya. It totally reminds me of the guy.

Once I started playing with the figure, I immediately discovered he had a little trick up his sleeve… er… necktie.

You squeeze his legs, and he raises his arms in surrender. But watch out!

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A hidden gun flips out from underneath his necktie.

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Now that’s a pretty funny gag. The cops tell him to “freeze” so he does… all while gunning them down. Pretty comical.

(Actually, it’s pretty harsh. Gunning people down was always a Charles Bronson thing. Maybe this is a Bronson figure.)

Since I bought the figure loose, I didn’t know it at the time. This figure is Mr. Sleaze. He’s from the Police Academy toy series that was released in 1989 by Kenner.

As a youngster, I was a fan of the movies, but I recall seeing commercials and things for the show and remember thinking it looked really, really awful.

The live-action Rated-R movie was bad enough, but now they made a kid-friendly version (reminds me of the Toxic Crusaders toy from a while back)?

Police Academy went from this…

… to this.

Pretty goofy.

Well, just recently, I found Mr. Sleaze on card (for those who don’t know, that means he was still sealed in his package) and didn’t know it was possible, but the accessory he comes packaged with makes him an even better figure.

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He comes with a poodle.!

A freakin’ poodle? Ha!

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Yep. This evil, sleazy bad guy may have a soft spot for cute, lil’ fluffy poodles… or not.

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You see, Mr. Sleaze isn’t the only one with something to hide. FooFoo Dog here is one ugly son of a bitch (literally).

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FooFoo acts like a delicate, pretty dog, but when you least expect it, he rears his ugly head to bite you, eat your sandwich or pee on your leg.

This dog definitely looks disturbed. He kinda reminds me of a sad, old man.

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Other than the googly-eyed, goofy face, I think my favorite part of FooFoo is his hairstyle. Look at that thing. He’s got the same pompadour haircut of his master.

That’s such a great detail. I’m thinking this haircut is funnier than anything in the cartoon ever was (Just an FYI – I’m judging the hell out of the cartoon without ever seeing it.).

Also, after buying the figure on card, I actually discovered Mr. Sleaze isn’t as sleazy as I’d hoped.

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The gun under his necktie is actually just a “gasser gun,” so I’m sure it was used in the cartoon to knock out the good guys or make them laugh w/ laughing gas or some crap like that.

Wuss.

The cartoony drawings on the package are fun and goofy, but they seem a bit underdeveloped and sloppy (kinda like the whole cartoon series. ZING!)

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The toys also seem a bit lame. These are all basically cutesified versions of the dysfunctional characters from the movies. They don’t seem too interesting in exaggerated cartoon form.

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I never played “cops and robbers” as a kid, so maybe that’s why I never cared about this series (plus I was 12, so I’m sure that had something to do with it). Looking back at them all, I think the villains interest me the most, but that’s probably true with every toy series.

• Buy Police Academy Figures on eBay!

Can someone please tell me what this thing is and where I can buy one?

Speelgoed uit de hel | Flabber
Please.

I’m begging you.

I’ve just re-discovered it while sorting through old e-mail. (Thanks, Antonio, for the link)

Any tips would be greatly appreciated

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So what’re we looking at here?

A bootleg Gumby?

Hm. This guy’s flesh-toned (caucasian flesh), he has a much bigger schnoz than Gumby and he’s wearing those cartoony white gloves.

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Nah. Probably not a Gumby knockoff.

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Actually, here’s a better look. I’m thinking he looks more like a whoopee cushion.

In all seriousness, this little guy is a mascot bendy toy from 1988.

A mascot for what you ask?

This.

Tagamet by Smith Kline Lab.

It’s a drug that’s supposed to help stop ulcers, heartburn and gastrointestinal bleeding.

Pretty gross.

When I picture an ulcer-ridden stomach, I imagine something more like this.

I found the gross ulcered stomach pic at OmniMedicalSearch.com.

Glad to see they could “cutesify” the acidic stomach concept a little bit.

Following in the proven-successful, marketing footsteps of Joe Camel, we now have the child-friendly Tagamet Tommy.

Tagamet Tommy
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What better way to sell a genericly-named drug that helps you treat a symptom instead of a cause.

Let’s get kids hooked on antacids with the Tommy’s adorable smile.

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I forgot to mention, this bendy toy was originally firmly attached to a base which depicts a cartoon version of Tommy Tagamet (Notice that whoever designed this toy totally screwed up Tommy’s eyes and nose placement.). The figure was attached to the base only by an adhesive, so I was able to just pry him off. I think he’s a better toy because of it. Now he’s a free-standing stomach… helping the kids survive their oh-so-stressful lives. (I can picture it now – Tommy busting into the room like Kool-Aid Man. “Oh yeah!!”)

I’m don’t think Tagamet Tommy is hanging around much these days. He’s not on the Tagamet website or anything, but if you need more drug mascot love, there are actually some other characters with personality that might make for some decent weirdo toys.

We have the loud-mouthed Mucinex Mucus guy or the Lamisil toe-fungus guy.

What we definitely do not need is a pet-rock toy for Zoloft or anything related to the annoying-as-hell Nasonex bee.

I hate that bee. He’s a generic, poorly-animated stock art bee with a Spanish accent. I dunno. He just bugs me (no pun intended).

• Buy Tagamet Tommy on eBay!

Man-Hero

Skulldar

Hey! Check it out! Not only have I stopped updating my blog regularly, but I’m even writing for other toy blogs.

How screwed up is that?

Seriously though, I know I’ve been away from this site for a while, but I have a good excuse. I’m getting married soon, and I have a bunch of crap that needs to get done. I promise I’ll be back to update more regularly.

Until then, check out the “Show and Tell” article I wrote for Poe Ghostal’s Points of Articulation. It’s your chance to take a closer look at Man-Hero and Skulldar.

I’m actually honored to be on the site, because the site is updated pretty often and is a great source for cool toy info.

Thanks for reading, and thanks again, Poe, for giving me the opportunity to contribute.

So, I’ve got a little something for you today I’m willing to bet you’ve never seen or heard of (well, that can be said about a lot of my posts, but this is different).

Today, I am proud to introduce you to Creepy Bods!

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Months ago, I was lucky enough to get my hands on all four Creepy Bods figures. What makes Creepy Bods so special, you ask (oh wait, you didn’t ask that)? Well, for one, they’re unbelievably, ridiculously impossible to find and are greatly sought after, but more importantly, they are a refreshing innovation in the world of Madball knockoffs.

You see, back in the 80s when the world was introduced to Madballs, kids went nuts. These gross little balls were charming, unique and just fun to play with. Of course, as I mentioned in a previous blog entry, there were Madball wannabes – folks that tried to cash in on the success of Madballs. The ripoff Madballs (or “Sadballs” as I like to refer to them) were usually uninspired derivatives of existing Madball designs, and they were almost always poorly produced. In an attempt to stand out in the pack in a world of knockoffs, Roundhill Industries came along and created Creepy Bods. They are (to quote the package) “headless bodies to display your Madballs™, Weird Balls™, Foul Balls™ and any other Ball Heads!” (Not only were they appealing to the Madballs market, but they even included shout-outs to the ripoff balls. Nice.) You see, instead of falling in line with all the other copy cats, these guys created something pretty darn neat. Madballs now had gross, little bodies to use as display stands in your collection. You can mix and match the balls in your collection to suit the appropriate body style. Pretty cool idea, huh?

Creepy Bods Packaging
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Other than the concept of bodies for your Madballs, the Creepy Bods were pretty unoriginal. As you can clearly see, the Creepy Bods packaging emulates the Madball package.

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It’s the exact same size and similar color scheme. The over all execution is pretty poor though. They ripped off the logo and the yellow swooshy thing, they included mini drawings of the characters and even put a generic Madball on the package to emulate the hole and the ball’s placement in the Madballs package design.

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I’m sure it was all intentional and probably a necessity. They wanted to have kids immediately make the connection that these bodies are for Madballs, but c’mon! At least make it look good!

I wanted to mention a couple of other things. On the bottom of the package, there’s a statement that reads “Manufactured exclusively for the Bauhinia Ltd. Hong Kong.” What does that mean exactly?

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And, the back of the package is pretty lame. Nothing says “knock-off” like a blank, brown card back (well, if you don’t count the UPC code).

Enough about the packaging. Let’s look at the characters.

Creepy Bods’ Bodies
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First, we have Mr. Mummy.

Mr. Mummy
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He’s a gory, little mummy with a severed foot. Good thing he has a cane. Is anyone else wondering why the hell he has two left feet? As you’d might expect, Dust Brain is a natural choice for this creepy body.

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Next we have Stitch. He seems to be a blue-skinned guy w/ severed body parts all re-stitched together (ya know, like Frankenstein).

Stitch
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It’s a bit hard to figure out what’s going on with his pose, but I’m guessing he’s in the act of sowing himself together. His severed, left pinky-toe kinda freaks me out. The AARGH Madball seemed to be a good choice for this Creepy Bod. He’s blue and covered in stitches just like Stitch.

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Also notice – it looks like a knock-off of AARGH is what was featured on the Creepy Bods packaging.

And here we have Dr. Guts.

Dr. Guts
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If he’s a doctor, it looks like he’s just performed surgery on himself. Either that or he’s been drawn and quartered? And shouldn’t he have used a scalpel for his surgery? Looks like he used a hunting knife. He’s just standing there, tearing open his torso, and all of his guts are pouring out. This is some pretty gory stuff for a kids toy, but I guess the Madballs were too. That’s why I chose Slobulus for the head on this one. Not only is his skin green, but his eyeball’s hanging out and everything.

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I’m intrigued by the inclusion of the wrist watch. Is that supposed to be a clue to his status as a doctor or something? Pretty funny.

Lastly, we have Ooze.

Ooze
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Ooze looks to be a violet, lizard creature covered in slime. Oozing out of the slime are a few eyeballs and random bones. Pretty goofy.

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In the actual toy though, the slime looks more like a green robe or cloak or something. Horn Head seemed to fit this figure nicely, what with the violet color scheme and claws and everything.

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Well, there you have it. Those are the Creepy Bods. They’re not much to look at on their own, but once you’ve topped ‘em off with a Madball, they really come to life. They really are a great addition to any Madball collection. I guess I could’ve photographed the bodies with various heads, but you can probably use your imagination. (They look like bobble heads don’t they?)

The only real complaint I have about the Creepy Bods is their sub-par production quality. The sculpting is sloppy and the paint applications leave much to be desired. I know they’re cheap knock-off toys, so it’s expected. But wouldn’t it be great if AmToy took this idea and ran with it? They could release well-made bodies for those Anniversary Madballs they’ve recently released.

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I wonder if Creepy Bods led to AmToy’s idea for Head-Popping Madballs? If so, I’m sure they’d never admit it

• Buy Madballs on eBay!

“WOW!”

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That’s what immediately came to mind when I first saw this Mickey Mouse Transformer (and I also thought if Minnie Mouse and Optimus Prime had a child, it would look something like this).

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This toy is such a cool combo of cute, fun, iconic Mickey Mouse and the cool, high-tech, mechanical-giants Transformers.

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And it’s Japanese. Yep. It seems like the Japanese have come up with another cool thing that we folks in the U.S. can’t enjoy without importing it (a costly import I might add). I could easily see this thing for sale at Disney shops or whatever (do those stores still exist?). I wonder what they’d call him. Optimus Mouse? Mickey Prime? There’s no name on the package (at least not written in English), so I think we should call him “Mechy Mouse” (thanks for the great pun, Mike).

Here’s a look at Mechy Mouse in his robot form. You can see the robot has elements from Mickey Mouse’s design – the shorts with the big buttons, the white gloves, and the plump cartoony shoes.

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Takara has managed to stay true to the original Mickey design elements while still giving it a robotic twist. The only real addition are the wings, which really make this robot that much cooler.

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He’s pretty detailed, but his transformation isn’t really that complex (that’s not a bad thing).

Now let’s see his truck form.

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The truck form actually seems a little more cartoony in style than the robot. I’m not complaining. It actually looks like a cartoony truck you’d see in an animated Mickey Mouse short (you know, if he were just hired to drive a big rig cross-country).

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One of the coolest and most charming parts of this toy is the miniature Mickey Mouse that directs the robot and drives the truck. I love how he’s just riding on the head commanding the impending doom of Donald or Goofy or someone (probably Minnie).

What’s great is Mickey’s change in costume. When he’s riding the robot, he’s in a full space gear, helmet and everything, but when he’s driving the truck, he’s actually wearing a trucker’s hat. Ha! So great. (I don’t know why that amuses me so much.)

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Also, note that he’s driving on the right side of the truck. That ain’t no American truck.

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The toy is pretty detailed and has a great paint job.  It’s not super-articulated or super-poseable, but he still looks nice, is well-built and has tiny surprises like the miniature Mickeys and other details like the poseable robo-visor.

I was even surprised by the inclusion of the mouse-themed Autobots logo.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention some stuff. This toy was released by Takara Tomy in collaboration with Disney in March 2009. It was actually the second of its kind.  The toy you’ve just seen is the Monochrome Edition. (I think the toys were related to the 25th Anniversary of Transformers. There’s a little “25 Years” icon on the box.)

The original version of the Mechy Mouse toy which was released a few months prior to the monochrome one. Instead of the gray, black and gold color scheme, it actually has a full-color paint job reminiscent of Optimus Prime’s red, blue and gray color scheme. I think it looks pretty nice, but I still favor the monochrome version. It just seems a bit more “classic,” “darker” or “badass” or something.

I wonder if the two versions are supposed to reflect vintage Mickey vs. modern Mickey. Makes sense.

I know this toy can be seen as a “sell-out” kind of thing for Disney or Takara. I think there’s a big divide by fans out there that don’t want their chocolate Disney to get mixed with their peanut butter Transformers.

Some fans are even knit-picking the fact that if this was a “true” Transformer, it wouldn’t have to be controlled by Mickey. Therefore it’s just a lifeless machine, so it’s not supposed to be Optimus Prime. Gimme a freakin’ break. It’s a damned toy (and a fun one at that). You might as well say something like, “I sure as hell hope his truck doesn’t have a manual transmission, because Optimus is an automatic.” Who cares??

I honestly think it was this unexpected pairing that made me pick the toy in the first place. I don’t give two craps about Mickey by himself (or do I?), but when he’s a 30-foot-tall robot that transforms into a semi-truck, you have to admit, it’s cool and fun.

The toy may seem a bit costly (retail price is $50 or so) for a casual fan of Transformers or Disney stuff. I’m a very casual fan, but this Mickey/Transformers combo toy really just pulled at my weirdo heartstrings.

• Buy the Mickey Mouse Transformer on eBay!

I’ve teased you long enough. Now’s your chance to get the very first Weirdo Toys t-shirt.

This is the first in what I hope to be a series of t-shirts featuring custom illustrations of various weirdo toys featured on this site.

First up? Apple Devil.

Be the first (and only) person on your block to flaunt a brightly-colored, apple-headed devil on your chest. The shirts are all good quality, asphalt-colored American Apparel brand. The graphic is a 6-color print, so… it’s fancy-schmancy. (Also, note there is a small, black graphic which reads “WeirdoToys.com” on the left sleeve.)

I’ve also created a “Weirdo Apparel” page and a quick link to the shirt in the side nav bar. Hope it’s not to “sell-out-y.”

Thanks for all the your support guys.

(The shirt is “unisex,” so it’s not just for girls like the photos may imply )

… and thanks to Bubba Shelby for inspiring the title of the t-shirt. Corny and Punny but still great!

Keep on Yuckin’
Asphalt Tee

 Fine Jersey Short Sleeve T-Shirt – 100% cotton by American Apparel

$20

So for those who don’t know, the Heroes Convention is a comic con that takes place every year in Charlotte, NC. It usually happens around Father’s Day weekend. It’s actually this weekend – June 19-21.

Anyway, I try to make it there every year. I shop around some for random comics, toys and stuff, but I’m usually hanging around with my buddies from Wide Awake Press, Top Shelf or Dollar Bin. I’ll be doing the same this year, but this time Weirdo Toys is representing a little bit. It’s not much, but I’ve managed to design the very first Weirdo Toys t-shirt. Maybe you’ll recognize the guy featured on the shirt?

The shirt is American Apparel brand, Asphalt-colored, 100% cotton, unisex tee. I’ll have S, M, L and XL for sale. The shirt will be $20. If you guys like it, I can even put them up for sale here on blog.

Anyway, if any of you are in Charlotte this weekend, be sure to drop by and say hello, and while your at it, be sure to stop by and support the Wide Awake, Top Shelf and Dollar Bin crews:

J Chris Campbell
Duane Ballenger
Josh Latta
Brad McGinty
Andy Runton
Robert Venditti
Rob Ullman
Ben Towle

Not only are these all cool guys, but they even have cool comics and stuff for you to buy which include:

The Ancient Age (very few copies)
Avatards – Josh Latta
Traffic & Weather – Robert Ullman
Broken Rekkid – Duane Ballenger
Blast It – J Chris Campbell
Neatobot Trading Card – J Chris Campbell

Also:
Decision Decider Coin
FLUKE (variant cover very few copies)
Tobey Maguire Comics & Stories – Brad McGinty
Redskin Rashy – Josh Latta

Plus:
Mandar DVD by Brad McGinty
Apple Devil T-shirt by Justin Gammon
Music Bot T-shirt by J. Chris Campbell
Heroes Convention Attack Poster
New Duane T-shirt (not pictured)

And:
Back in print Rob Venditti’s Dads
New Dollar Bin Book with WAPPIES Brad, Josh, J Chris and Pat Lewis in
J Chris Campbell has a story in the AWESOMER anthology with cover by Heroes Con guest Jeff Smith.
Joey Weiser will have some of the FLUKE poster

Hope to see you there!

I was reluctantly in a McDonald’s restaurant the other morning ordering an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. (Don’t ask me why. It involves traveling to “in-the-middle-of-nowhere”, Georgia and being stuck with one or two options for food.) While waiting for my order, I casually strolled around the place when I noticed the familiar, plastic bubble filled with crappy Happy Meal toys based on some Hollywood blockbuster movie. The movie toys this time around were based on characters from “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithonsian.”

That’s when I saw this guy.

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A dinosaur skeleton? I had to have him, but I sure as hell didn’t want to order a Happy Meal. I asked the cashier if there were any dinosaur skeleton toys left and if I could just buy it outright. She rummaged through a large pin of shrink-wrapped plastic, and it turns out, there were only two characters left – the T-Rex and some Octopus thing. What luck! Better yet, she said the toy would only cost me $1.07. Wow! Not bad.

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If you’re familiar at all with the Museum movies, you’ll know that in the movie, after the museum closes, all of its exhibits come to life. Well, one of the exhibits is giant skeleton T-Rex that runs around like a super-hyper puppy fetching a bone for the museum’s security guard. So, this is a walking wind-up toy of Rexy, and I must say he looks pretty cool for a McDonald’s toy.

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I’m actually surprised that I’m featuring a McDonald’s toy on the blog, but there are a few good reasons I’m writing about him.

1. He’s cool. (He’s a walking, windup dinosaur skeleton for crying outloud.)

2. He’s cheap. (Only $1.07 w/ tax.)

3. He’s at McDonald’s right now. (but I’m not sure how long.)

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Oh yeah, one last thing – the Rexy toy comes with a trading card. It contains bio info and trivia about the character. It’s nothing special to look at.

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But the really, really, really, really lame thing is, in order for Rexy’s walking action to activate, you have to slip the card into his back to press a small trigger. What the hell kind of crap is that? Why not just let the toy walk on its own? If there needs to be a trigger, why not just let it be an on/off switch. If there needs to be some gimmick that wakes the dinosaur and allows it to move, why couldn’t it just be some cool extra piece like a bone or a little man to ride it or something? A playing card? Gimme a break.

Well, what do you expect for a dollar?

I’m sure you’re all familiar with these classic Universal Monsters. They’re the classic movie monsters that the world knows and loves.

Well, today I’d like to share with you Dracula, Wolfman, Frankenstein and the Mummy.

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These 8″ figures were produced by Imperial Toy Corporation and Universal Pictures in 1986. You may not recognize them at first glance because they’re so darned quirky and awkward-looking compared to most modern renditions of the classic monsters. That’s actually what I love about ‘em though. They’re so “off-model” and uniquely charming.

And according to their packages, they come “with posable arms and head.” Not a huge selling point, but what else were they gonna call out on the package? “With goofy, inaccurate likenesses and proportions?”

Let’s just see how they measure up to their on-screen counterparts.

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Here we have Dracula’s Grandpa…

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… Frankenstein’s swollen, awkward, teen-aged son…

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… Um… the Mummy’s stunt double…

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… and what actually looks kinda like the Wolfman.

I guess they do bare a resemblance to the movie characters but not necessarily to the actors portraying them. (I know these things were released in the 80s, so I probably shouldn’t be so judgmental. Everything nowadays is made from a feakin’ computer scan of a face.)

You thought their faces were funny? Wait til you see the rest of ‘em.

Let’s start things out with the time-honored blood sucker, Dracula

Dracula
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He’s a friendly Dracula (either that, or he’s waving down a cab).

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I’m really surprised they didn’t give this guy fangs. C’mon! That’s his gimmick. Now he just looks like a very pale, formal, butler-superhero type.

The figure is almost completely black and white except for the few dabs of red. None of the red is blood though (unless you imagine those a blood-covered lips).  Oh, and his medal of honor and buttons are yellow.

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Don’t you just love those plump, cartoony hands they put on this guy? They look a lot like the classic cartoon gloved hand (you know, like Mickey Mouse or whoever would wear). I am glad they went the extra mile and added the rings though. I guess Dracula had a thing for bling.

Hey. He’s got a dab of green on his ring too. So that means they actually used 5 colors on this figure. Wow.

Now, let’s look at Frankenstein (or “Frankenstein’s Monster” as I like to refer to him when I’m feeling anal about it).

Frankenstein
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Jesus H! Look at those hands! What the hell’s going on here? I know Frankenstein’s cobbled together from various body parts, but I’ve never known him to have freakishly large hands at the end of super long arms. He can reach his knees without bending over. FREAKY!

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And look at his tiny head. Adorable (or should I say “abhorable”).

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This Frankenstein’s actually really great. I wish the other figures in this set were as distorted and goofy as this guy. I think he’s my favorite of the bunch.

Next up is everybody’s furry favorite, the Wolfman.

Wolfman
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I’m not quite sure what to say about this guy. He’s actually a decent-looking Wolfman figure. His yellow and red color scheme threw me off at first, but that’s about it. And I guess I find it hard to believe that he’d turn into a wolf, run through the woods terrorizing people and still manage to keep his shirt fully buttoned and tucked-in. That’s one prim and proper Wolfman.

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His feet actually look like furry boots or slippers or something. Wonder why only his shoes tear off but the rest of his clothes stay completely intact.

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One thing I’d like to point out is the subtle “gore” included with this figure. While Dracula, the guy known for drinking blood every day, doesn’t have a drop on him, this guy, the Wolfman, has blood spatter and fine mist sprayed all over his hands. Looks like he’s had a busy night. Maybe his shirt was actually white before sundown.

Oh yeah, and check out the chunks of flack on his fingers (or is that the freshly-torn flesh of another victim? Mwa-ha-ha!).

And lastly, we have the Mummy.

Mummy
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This Mummy honestly resembles an injured stuntman more than a centuries-old, decayed zombie wrapped in bandages.

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He’s just standing there in a body cast.

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He seriously looks like an over-the-hill daredevil who’s suffering from scrapes, burns, broken bones and probably a bruised ego.

You should probably retire buddy.

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Even the spots of dirt (or whatever they’re supposed to be) look like dried blood seeping through the wraps. Very, very goofy. This guy’s my second favorite

Okay, that wraps up our look at screwed up Universal Monsters toys.

So what if the toys are ugly. Why else would you want to buy them? Are you telling me perfect likenesses of each of these movie characters would be more interesting than what I’ve just shown you? I think not.

I hope you enjoy these guys as much as I do. If you like them, you can buy them on eBay right now!