Weirdo Toys

Well, last weekend I took a trip to the Anderson Jockey Lot, and surprisingly, I actually found a handful of things. I’ll share them all with you over the next few weeks, but let me start things off with this freak.

I don’t know what I’ve found here. This guy looks like he’s the alien leader of the town parade… but he’s awfully mean and gross-looking for such a fun, celebratory event. Look at his vibrant, ugly-as-hell military garb made of up of gaudy, primary colors. Maybe he’s not mean at all. He’s actually just pissed that he has to wear that goofy outfit.

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The fun doesn’t just stop with his festive outfit, this guy’s actually equipped with “crowd-pleasing action.” Just push the ridge on his back, and he twists, raises his hand (which could easily hold a baton) and cheers to the neighborhood kids letting them know they’re gonna get some candy.

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Seriously though, the only clue I got from this guy was the markings on his inner thigh which read, “LJN Toys Ltd © 1986 Telepix LCI.”

I searched for LJN toys, but all I found was webpage after webpage of Thundercats toys listings. I found no sign of him. Then I started thinking back to my childhood… to the other toylines or cartoons somewhat related to Thundercats. I remember there being a couple of other cartoon shows very, very similar to Thundercats’ themed-heroes approach. They were shows I always viewed as some kind of a trilogy or something – Thundercats (land), Silverhawks (air) and Tigersharks (sea).

Eureka! After a quick search for Tigersharks toys, I eventually stumbled upon a photo and the name of our ugly friend. He’s actually a character named Captain Bizarrly – an evil pirate who battled the Tigersharks.

It would’ve been funnier if he was simply the reluctant leader of the neighborhood parade.

Capt. Bizarrly package photo courtesy of this Italian Tigersharks site.

Hi All!

Over the months I’ve shown you random weird toys I’ve gathered, and several of you have taken the time and effort to write to me directly and even share toy finds of your own.

Instead of just letting the messages and photos collect virtual dust in my inbox, i thought I’d start sharing them with all the Weirdo Toys readers.

It’s a little feature I’d like to call “Reader Mail.” (Pretty clever name huh?)

Here’s the first letter I’d like to share:

Hey Justin,

(Sung to the tune of Peter Cottontail)

Here comes easter bunnybot,
Yer hoping for candy he aint got,
Clink-clank-clink-clank, easter’s kinda gay
One of a million weirdo toys,
Who aint got crap for girls or boys,
Clink-clank-clink-clank, easter’s kinda gay.

hahahahaha!! I just wrote that especially for you.

Take care,
Chris

P.S. - I have no idea who this rabbit robot is, no markings at all and of course found at a garage sale.

Thanks for the goofy Easter song. A great theme song for a great robot bunny.

I like the robo-bunny, and I know exactly what it is! It’s a character that came with Dr. Bunsen from the Muppets Series 1 by (the now defunct) Palisades Toys (released in 2002 I think). Thanks for sharing!

I need to start going to Garage sales. I had no clue I could find old Muppets toys at them.

Jesus is back!

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Only he’s 2 feet shorter?! What the heck?

I picked up this little Jesus from the Dollar Tree a long time ago. He was one of a series of biblical figures (maybe I’ll feature the other ones some other day). All of them were squatty for some reason (that’s pretty much why I bought ‘em… cuz they were just so goofy looking).

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He’s returned with a mullet now too? C’mon!

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Each figure also came with a small plastic sheet with an illustration on it (kind of a cheapy version of a diorama).

I wish I still had the sheets, because Jesus’ “scene” depicted a few infamous scenarios. First, there was his tomb with a huge boulder rolled away. But what made it great was the fact that right outside the tomb there was a saw horse with a hand saw and wood… you know.. depicting the fact that he was a carpenter (good to know he had such a committed work ethic… getting right to work after rising from the dead). And lastly, there was a little basket full of loaves of bread and bundles of fish (in case he’s hungry after all that wood cutting). If I miraculously find Jesus’ little diorama sheet, I’ll post it here.

Anyway, I hope you all have a safe and happy Easter weekend. Enjoy your friends and family, and thanks for dropping by to read the blog before your obligatory church visit

Happy Easter!

INFO UPDATE :

Holy moley! I was going through some boxes recently and I stumbled upon that little plastic sheet scenery I had mentioned earlier. I thought I’d lost it.

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I see my memory of the scene was a bit inaccurate. Turns out I had mistaken the “loaves and fishes” story with the “water to wine” story… which actually makes the scene even funnier. It’s complete with pond, chalice and wine bottle. Now it looks like Jesus rose from the tomb, did a bit of woodworking and finished up by pouring himself a drink.

One thing I didn’t recall from the scene was the dark, looming shadow of the cross. Kinda creepy.

Lastly, there’s some legal info on the scenery sheet that can give us a bit of insight to where this toy is from. The legal copy reads: “Licensed by BuyProduct, Inc. Merrick, NY 11566 Made in China.” I wasn’t able to find anything new.

Question: What happens when a classic doll-turned-mascot of a Japanese mayonnaise company is combined with an equally iconic Japanese video game mascot? You get a weird, effeminate, childish mustachioed plumber.

I’m sure you recognize the iconic Kewpie Doll. You may not know it, but this character is actually a mascot of the ever-popular Japanese Kewpie Mayonnaise. Freaky huh? And if you’ve encountered any Nintendo game (you know, the Wii of course) in the last 20+ years, you’ll recognize Mario as the mascot of the brand and a celebrity in a bunch of its games (Oh yeah… and there’s his second-rate brother Luigi who’s always left out of the spotlight).

Kewpie Mario Bros. - Stack Attack!
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I first discovered these guys over at the Kotaku video game blog where they featured Kewpie Nintendo characters. I’m not sure if these keychains are licensed by Nintendo or anything. They were sold in an unmarked bag and the figures themselves have no markings either. (You think Nintendo would allow their most iconic plumber brothers to wear hats without their initials?)

Mario Kewpie
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Luigi Kewpie
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What’s funny about these little guys is the fact that they look like little kewpie kids in disguise. The painted-on hair and moustaches topped off with a little piece of fabric glued onto their noses helping create the illusion of a fat plumber.

One last thing. These guys are TINY! I was expecting them to be 4″ tall or something. Nope. They’re just under 1.5″.

These fellas are in desperate need of a Super Mushroom (dipped in mayo of course).

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Like so many other generic hero toys produced through the years, this figure was a badly-executed ripoff of the iconic 80s toyline, Masters of the Universe (unfortunately, I don’t know the name of this character or the toyline he comes from… sorry folks).

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He’s pretty crummy. If they’d ripped off the molds from the source, he could look a little better, but that would’ve robbed him of his charm. I think it’s his absurdly swollen, plump muscles that make his appearance that much more comedic (not to mention his stumpy, blue arms and legs, silver torso with pink starburst designs and the goofy-looking horned helmet). Sure, this toy’s ugliness appealed to me, but I think it was the slightly higher thinking of the toy designer and manufacturer that delighted me even more. There are tons of generic He-Man ripoffs out there, but this little toy series featured ugly barbarian guys with spinning heads with a human face on one side and a monster face on the opposite side. Pretty cool for a Dollar Tree toy.

We’ve established this generic, dual-personality barbarian isn’t a He-Man figure or anything, but he does look like he could be the distant cousin of Man-E-Faces. (Remember Man-E-Faces? Who could forget him? He’s the guy with the spinning faces to reveal a man, a robot and a monster).

Man-E-Faces
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I think I’ll call this barbarian guy Cup-L-Faces. That seems appropriate. He can be one of those low-budget monsters that Skeletor makes (first Faker, now this).

Cup-L-Faces

I know you’re wondering “what makes him a bad guy?” Well, if the evil monster on the back of his head doesn’t convince you, there’s the tell-tale blood spatter on his cheek and lip. That’s hard core. No He-Man figure has that. That’s a sure sign he’s a killer.

Deathbot
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He wants to kill. He loves to kill. He’s programmed to kill. He has “kill” written all over him (on his chest anyway)!

Deathbot is a fellow you can find (along with several other recurring characters) on Gama-Go.com – a site dedicated to the art and design of illustrator, Tim Biskup.

This wooden Deathbot toy is available through the Gama-Go site, and the toy was produced and also sold by Ningyoushi.com. It’s a pretty cool, simplistic wooden toy with limited poseability (his arms, legs and neck are made up of wooden rings threaded with metal wires).

Okay, Deathbot’s a killer. I get that, but what happens when you pin him against a virtually identical, heartless, robotic killer in a battle of the Deathbots? That’s right! There’s an even more “rare” wooden Deathbot, and this guy means business.

Deathbot (Suit Version) - limited to 400
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Who will be more “death-y?”
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Will it be the the primal, nude, intensely-colored, original red Deathbot we all know and love? Or will it be the subdued, cold, calculating and sophisticated black suit Deathbot?

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You be the judge.

Note: the toy’s arms, legs and neck come packaged super-stiff. They will not pose like the pics shown on the site. The only way I managed to loosen the pieces for added poseability is by unscrewing each appendage slightly, giving enough space between each wood ring to allow the metal wire to bend. Good luck.

Info Update:

During this photoshoot, i was posing my Deathbots (very delicately mind you) and the metal in their arms snapped. Both of them. It was very disheartening that they had immediately become expensive pieces of trash. I contacted Ningyoushi via their website and explained my troubles. Within a day, I received a message stating they’d happily repair my Deathbot toys. I was just asked to send the broken ones in for repair. Yippee! It is always great to interact with a company that stands behind their products and will put themselves in the shoes of the customers.

I’m a guy with two nearly-irreplaceable wooden toys, and I’ve been given the chance to get them repaired instead of spending even more money on buying new ones. Thanks Ningyoushi for understanding and not milking me for all I’m worth.

Info Update Again:

Good news! I received my Deathbots in the mail today. They’re back and as good as new. Maybe I should try not to pose them so much this time around. Thanks Ningyoushi for the quick repair service.

Wowzers!
There’s been an update to the Go-Go Gadget Toy entry. New photos! More info! What more do you want? Go over and check it out!