Okay. First things first. I have no clue what the hell these toys are or where they came from. Just so you know. I really need your help identifying these guys.
These figures were a gift to me from someone who shall remain nameless. (Just wait. You’ll understand why once you’ve seen the toys.) He picked ‘em up on eBay years ago as a generous contribution to the Weirdo Toys collection, but this time he’s really outdone himself.
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Okay. Look at these weirdos. They look like they could be characters from a Mad Max cartoon or some other bizarre post-apocalypse themed series. And I think their kimono robes give them a bit of an Asian vibe. So maybe they’re from a post-apocalyptic kung-fu cartoon series.
Let’s check these guys out one-by-one.
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First up, we have this strange, long-nosed fellow. Looks like he could be a goblin or something with his greenish skin and pointed ears. That’s really secondary to the fact that he is wearing a stitched-leather bondage mask complete with zippered mouth. Yikes.
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He’s sporting a t-shirt, pants and sneakers and kimono. He’s also carrying something on his back. Looks kind of like a pot or bowl or something.
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Take another look. You’ll see that bowl on his back is actually a toilet bowl. Oh yeah, and there’s a fresh turd inside. Ha!
It doesn’t stop there. To complete the “things that come out of your butt” theme, it seems this guys is actually using anal beads to strap the toilet bowl to his back. I know what you’re thinking. Only my demented mind could come to that conclusion. But think about it. Conceptually and thematically, it makes sense. It almost makes the figure even better (maybe “better” isn’t the right word for it). He’s a weird little fetishist.
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So, this second guy is kind of freaky. It looks like he’s wearing some kind of protective oxygen mask. But what good is a protective mask if your giant, mutant tongue is hanging out? Look at that freakin’ thing.
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This guys’s got a huge, swiveling tongue that’s nearly as tall as he is. Like I mentioned before, he’s wearing that strange mask, and it looks like it’s held on with riveted rubber netting. He’s also got the kimono and sneaker action happening. If you look closely, you’ll notice his pants are unbuttoned.
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He’s carrying a waste basket of debris on his back. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Looks like there are some banana peels, soda cans and a juice box or something. Luckily this guys only using rope to carry the trash around.
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Alright. This third guy is the strangest of the bunch. he’s an emaciated, humanoid-dog thing with a hint of android.
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Looks like he could be hybrid of man and dog pieced together with wires, scraps of metal, spark plugs, metal plates, etc. He’s one strange pet.
Why am I so sure it’s a “he?” Glad you asked.
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He’s got male genitalia. (First Weepy the WeeWee, now this.)
It wasn’t until I saw the figure from this angle that I realized that it may not be a robot tail on this dog after all. It could just be a metal rod shoved up his ass. That’s definitely a first (and hopefully a last) for my toy collection.
This dog figure has a waist swivel joint that always seemed useless to me. His permanent pose really made this bit of articulation pointless. Well, mere minutes ago, I discovered there actually is a reason for it. I was inspecting the toy as I wrote this blog entry, and I noticed his torso was a bit loose. The two body pieces were separating. Out of curiosity, I pulled him apart.
This is what I discovered.
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A dangling, severed spine and juicy torso meat. Wow! This toy just got even weirder. These toys just keep on giving.
So, there you have it. three freaky toys that have been hanging around my studio waiting to have a home on the blog. Maybe you can help me identify them.
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As I stated earlier, I have no idea what these toys are, but the only clue I can share with you is this emblem. It can be found on all three figures. I’m not sure how it should be read. Maybe “V3 Toy?” The logo looks like an owl with a lazy eye. Any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.